Monday, June 18, 2007

The Artificial Heart

Many of us claim to know what it is to be coldhearted, but only a few of us are truly empty enough to enjoy the pain of others… A memory came to me recently, of what I did to you, what was done to you, one of the greatest battles of my life…

It was raining that night…do you remember? Deep in the evening we lay together from a long night of passions… And suddenly you awoke. You wrapped your arms around me, and held me close…if only you could have seen the disgust in my eyes when I felt this…weakness, emanating from you. Hands searching everywhere, for something…Soft kisses here and there, candied touches under the sheets. Had you realized the part of me you couldn’t find did not exist? Did you truly believe your passions were mutual?

Keep me close; tell me your deepest secrets. I am all you will ever need, and more than you will ever dream of. You wanted to tell me something, whisper a dream I didn’t want to hear, so bare you had become, all of you revealed, assuming for some ridiculous reason that a bit of trustful intimacy meant all had been given to you. I already knew what was coming, and I already knew you were mistaken. Such a fool.

Three words you whimper to me, three little words, that shattered my perfect landscape. A spell torn out of my artificial heart, time for you to see the open door, my true eyes; the fact that I cannot respond to any feelings you have for me, for I own none… no three words from me, I have no words… no soft cries, or sweet glances, stolen kisses, warm caress… hearts open and bare for the taking… I do not have such things…

The devil is my Father, and I his light.

I peel you off of me swiftly, and arise from bed in one soft sigh. A sweet despair is taking over me, all my dreams lost and ruined from your simple confession. I quickly pace around the room, getting dressed as I walk. In shock you jump up, confused by my actions…”What are you doing?” But I simply ignore you and continue with my task of getting the hell out of here. The rain is so loud, I fear it will come crashing in through the windows…You come closer and grab me by the shoulders, searching my face for answers...I look away, I can feel your body tremble as tears begin to fall. I wish I could taste them…I let you pull me close, kiss me deeply; as if that would keep me in your arms… I giggle softly, such weakness. I can’t stand it.

As I walk out into the rain I can still hear you crying out for me…But it is meaningless, a pointless sound coming from a pointless being. My spell is gone, all the charms gone stale. Sparkling starlight has no place here now. Glass slippers only disappoint. Such a fool.

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