Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Dear Khalel

"wash away my tears"

Dear Khalel,

Hold your breath and don't look down.
Just take it one story at a time.
It's really not so hard.

Sometimes screaming will help you keep the insides inside. There's no turning back, all you can do is hope they'll be there to catch at the bottom; but they won't, and it's never a soft landing. And after you hit the bottom, fracturing every bone, everyone expects you to just tough it up and walk away. But you can't even move your toe, let alone walk.

Everyone passes by so casually; barely even noticing your mangled body laying there. You almost want to laugh but your jaw is lying on the pavement beside you, which makes it a little difficult.

"Take the fall, it's worth the risk."

Just be thankful that you can't see yourself like this. The system is suspended in limbo, the power is on but there's no response. And all that's left is to shut it down and move on.

Khalel, be strong. Be very Strong.

I will be your strength,


Thursday, July 23, 2009


"But you see," said Roark quietly, "I have, let's say, sixty years to live. Most of that time will be spent working. I've chosen the work I want to do. If I find no joy in it, then I'm only condemning myself to sixty years of torture. And I can find the joy only if I do my work in the best way possible to me. But the best is a matter of standards--and I set my own standards. I inherit nothing. I stand at the end of no tradition. I may, perhaps, stand at the beginning of one."

- ayn rand

Friday, May 29, 2009


ive lost my concentration.
this outburst of emotions,
this uncontrolable surge of pain,
words seemed to be far away,
and im left here, silenced.

this feeling that wont subdue,
id really hate you if this is untrue.
you stare at me like im the only one.
we both know im not.
but why such pretention?
why such love?

is this cowardice we both manifest?
or is it only i that make matters worse?
you've got someone else beside you.
i've got no one.
love fills me when you speak.
but dried tears well up when the two of you meet.

my jealousy is void,
for you and i, there has never been US.

-khalel zantillan
May 29, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009


The average; norm.
is there such a form?
Forlorn; torn between a sole journey
and the sojourn of the soul.

The final visionary,
overtaken by solemn undertakings
as serene reality, overshadowed by unreal premise
trickles down, abandoned by discontented minds.

Silenced murmurs echo unchecked,
obscured among lost footsteps of dissident spirits.
Lighten prospects through unenlightenment;
Quench the thirst for reality with tears of confusion.

Shaded nuance and veiled subtlety;
forsaken graces of humanity
when fear of individuality
overwrites morality.

-khalel zantillan
i forgotten how sweet the black tears taste.
rekindling the dying light, beckons: I am home.


Whose flesh this is I seem to wonder,
Insanity triggers my conscience.
Your soul is captured by the light
And the dreams of faceless horror.

I shed your lies and let you bleed,
Leaving you scars that remorselessly refuse to heal.
But where has my heart gone you may wonder,
Inside a villain, a rapist, and a ruthless assassin.

The blade is a trigger,
Once pulled or released.
There is no return,
And the life fully diminishes.

My non-virgin hands of the brutal murder,
Soaked in your blood,
Leads me to the vehement fear
As the darkness chooses to fade away.

Your lifeless body lies in my arms of guilt,
And my tears of joy wash your blood away.
You'll wake to see the world on fire,
And the fire releases upon the heavens.

-khalel zantillan 2009
sigh. letting black tears fall once more.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Death of A Spider | Khalel Zantillan

Lips singing a soft melody in the dark
Of journeys past and about to embark

Hands and feet are slowly failing
Soundless silence, an end to ailing

Outstretched arms, a delicate finger
A touch of life, no need to linger

Each broken leg lay eerily still
All is quiet, no time to kill

Sanguine blood staining the floor
An open gate, an open door

A face filled with jeweled tears
A thousand shards of broken mirrors

The heartbeats begin to fade
For that is the reason why he stayed


Just another poem to save my life.
I dont often reveal my vulnerable spot simply because I hate it when people see me as weak.

But then again, in each death... I will Live.

Ive said Thanks and expressed my love to those people are dearly close to me and my heart tonight. I hope you guys can do the same thing. Sometimes we get so busy and neglect to say this simple words.

Sunday, March 22, 2009


Glitches on Photoshop CS4 extended.
I Need serial number and keygen. Help Help

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


for specifications:

for serious inquiries only

Friday, February 20, 2009


The evolution of photography has entered a very interesting era: the digital age. In 2004, Kodak announced that it was selling off the remainder of its film stock and no longer designing film cameras. In the new-age of photography, where the “fast-food” concept has intervened, people are taking a new approach and using new techniques to create their images.

To many, the rise of the digital camera has perverted the art of photography, and to many others, the digital age has made their lives much better. In this respect, the purists seemed to be outnumbered by the photographers who rely on speed and accuracy in the business of the art. Ask any photojournalist if she uses film (aside from portraitures) on an assignment and she will laugh in your face. Editors need images NOW, especially since so many readers of newspapers are relying heavily on the Internet newspapers for information – info and images that need to be updated in “real time”.

But not all is lost – film is still widely used among professionals in portraiture, landscape and other disciplines. It is well-known that National Geographic photographers – arguably the best in the world for any publication – use film on all assignments. In short, there are many who feel that the quality of film is unmatched. And thus the great debate: should the quality of film be sacrificed for the speed of digital images? The argument will continue.

The digital age has not only changed the speed at which an image can be processed, but also, 1) how an image is processed, and 2) how photographers actually work. The first instance is quite noticeable: Dark-room techniques are now available in a variety of photo-manipulation software programs (ie, Photoshop). Today, color images can be turned black and white, they can be flipped, cut, bent and superimposed on one-another in just minutes. Again, speed and financial savings are the attractive lure of such software.

The second instance deals more with habit than anything else. Where photographers used to have to measure light and balance aperture, shutter speed, etc. well before a shoot (or be so talented and experienced to balance it at first sight), today, photographers can weigh the measurements by taking a shot, looking at the back of their cameras, adjusting accordingly, and re-shooting the image. In some ways, the digital age is perfect for the lazy photographer, or at least the one who has little time for metering, test slides, triple checking, etc. Again, speed and efficiency rule in this new-era of photography.

With all this said, it is still important for good photographers to know and understand film, if not for image quality, then for the benefit of the photographer’s shooting habits. Using film – especially for beginners - will help teach how to control aperture, shutter speed, composition and light. As the digital age continues to evolve, the future of photography will also change. Whether it is for better or worse is the argument – one where an answer remains to be seen.

Monday, February 16, 2009


Humuhuni naman ang hangin
Ang Hangin bumubulong ng iyong pangalan
Taglay pa rin niya ang Hilakbot at Lamig
Kaluluwa sa Kaluluwa hahagkan ang isat isa.

Pusakal na nga ang panahon
Sa pag iimbot ng kadalisayan
Sa pusong nanunuyo sa kasukdulan
Oo, ikaw nga... ikaw nga.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Dead Again

Can you really sit in a tunnel of noise and yet hear only silence?
Can you scream so loud that you feel as though your heart will break and yet make no sound at all?
Can you be so trapped within yourself that you see no way out?

How can it be possible to need someone so badly but want every one to stay away even more?
How can you exist in a moment but have no emotions attached?
How can you be in so much pain that you are no longer able to feel?

The overwhelming sense that one more moment of anything that amounts to more than nothing will be more than too much?
Trying to make sense of it all.
Asking questions, trying to understand, trying to be more than the moment but being so buried in it that it suffocates.
Trying to try.

Holding on to the belief in self.
The endless fighting to prove that the lies are the lies and the truth is the truth and someone else's eyes create the muddle and confusion.
The want to believe that things are as they should be, that all the numbers add up.
Denial that projected images are wrong, it has to fit the hole, as long as the square peg fits in the round hole it doesn't matter how it gets there.
Fighting for the truth, but no one wants to rock the boat, no one wants to be wrong, no one will ever be the hero.
The princess will remain locked on the tower and the dragon will sleep peacefully at the door and the knights will sleep peacefully in their beds knowing that no one will think they may be wrong.

Need to fly, need to sleep, need to dream.

They say that time heals all, but why does it take so long?

Pain takes pain, it gives it a moments release but then it goes and all remains as it was.
Sometimes anger takes over pain but then it goes.
Sometimes there is a moment when if only someone would be there it would all go away, but then it goes.
Can anything ever be normal?
Can anything ever be like everything else?

Control and power, power and control.
Need to claw back some need to have something that no one can take away, that no one can have for themselves.
How can emotion be so huge?
How can pain be do clear but no one knows?
Or that no one cares?
Wrapped up in their bubble, don't want anything to spoil it, don't want to share priority, it's all priority and priority doesn't count.
Invisibility has it's own protection but yet there are some things that have to be seen.

Existence is away from reality, a comfort in the imagination.
But only for a little while.
For a little while the imagination can give release.

Is it fear? Running so fast and so hard, running in sleep and running awake always running always trying to sever the invisible ties that bind to the existence of the matter of fact.

Can trust be established?
Can blame be apportioned?
Can freedom be found in forgiveness?
Can there be a key?
Can the thoughts, the memories be pushed so far back that they are less than a haze?
Can they fly back at a moments notice and hit so hard and so fast that they make it hard to breath?
Can half a memory be worse than a whole one because the imagination fills in the blanks?
Can the blanks be so damaging that they are better left alone?
Can guilt be part of doing no wrong?
Can the endless questions be the inner whirlpool that keeps binding the path to moving on?

If freedom comes with time then seconds become minutes, minutes become hours and hours become days and so on.
The time doesn't become forever there are trips and falls along the way but time longer moves on.