Friday, September 02, 2005

kufal: Episode II

"Sumakay ka na nga! Mauna ka na, magtataxi na lanag ako! I can take care of myself... Di mo naman ako love eh..."

We decided to call it a night (ay, morning na yun eh... its almost 3 am already). Me, being the gentleman that I am (hahaha, gentleman! lolz) opted to let him get the first cab to come along our way. But he insist that I should go already because I told him that I am still meeting some friends for a coffee at cafe adriatico. But I insisted I get him a cab first.

"Hmpft, nag iinarte pa eh di mo naman ako love..." he said.

I just returned him a smile because until that time I still cant find it in my heart what I truly feel for him. Siguro nga kasi medyo natatakot ako sa kanya. I was practically threathen by his lifestyle. Although admittedly, I barely know the real him.

The cab came and with a hand its stopped for us and he quickly went in. Then I went my way to see my friends at cafe adriatico.

That meeting was followed by another and another... until...

(to be continued)

Am I a Bad Son?

Early this morning while preparing mah self for work. I over heard my mom and lolo talking about my dad. The usual stuff about him really: IRRESPONSIBILITY as the basic theme of their discussion. When all of the sudden their little chit chat was focus on me and "HOW (according to them) I AM STARTING TO BE LIKE MY TATAY."

I felt really Bad.

Dont get me wrong. Yes, there are things about my tatay that I hate but nevertheless I have given him all the respect he deserve like any ordinary son to his father will give. It is just that it is somewhat unfair that nanay and lolo connecting me with my tatay's childlike attitude.

According to them I am like my dad, I am a good for nothing night life person who thinks about nothing but my own personal satisfaction. WALA NA DAW AKO GINAWA KUNDI MAGPUYAT NG WALANG KAWAWAAN!


I am working like no other ordinary man will work. A GOOD STRAIGHT SIXTEEN HOURS A DAY! not because I wanted to, BUT because I NEEDED to. I am financially obliged to do so and contrary to what they are saying that I am all for the good of my own self but because it is as if I am trying to breathe life to Three Families. I am an instant Family Man. I have to fill up the needed resources for me and mom, my lolo and lola, and my dad's other family.

Yes, I frequently go out... ON A WEEKEND! Simply because thats the only time I can commune with myself and at least protect my sanity. Thats the only time for me to pacify my soul from leaving me...

And they are calling me IRRESPONSIBLE for trying to keep myself sane in everything that is passing me every week.

Yes, I did try to convey to them the reason why I am going out. But still for them, it is just a fucking waste of time and money. A fucking waste of the less than 20% money left in me from mah two jobs because the greater 80% is strictly measured to the so called "family responsibility". Whew!

Sorry about this blog... I just needed an outlet. I came into work with a heavy heart, trying my best to conceal the dagger seemingly upon my heart screwing it severely... I pray someday they will find that time to really listen to me. Someday... I just hope its not too late.