Wednesday, December 14, 2005

On Letting Go

I was kinda feeling lazy waking up on a Saturday morning but I have to because we have an overtime work to do in the office. So, I push myself to prepare myself and go to work.

I arrive 7:55 am (whew!) in the office. As usual, tita cecille (we call her “inang”) is already there waiting in the lobby (she hates going upstairs alone coz she is afraid a ghost might just pop up in the scene). So right after I tick my card we set ourselves to go upstairs to our office. Just when we approach to open the door she screamed “Me ibon, Paano nakapasok ang ibon ditto!?”

I, still feeling lazy was not really paying attention to any words she is saying. She kept talking to me, “Khalel, me ibon.”

And when I finally get to absorb the things she is saying, I turned my eyes to the creatures. Yes, the poor thing is threaten by our presence especially when I rushed myself to catch him (or her, really cant figure this out but for the sake of this writing let this bird be tag as a “him”). It was a hard catch really because I am also hesitant and somewhat scared of laying my hand, seeing its almost two inches beak, I am scared that because of the threat we put unto him he might strike me with it and find myself bleeding.

After a series of trying to catch it. Alas! I finally held him in my hand. It was a big bird really and gorgeous with its patterned feather. I immediately got the tape dispenser and clipped his wings and put tape on it. I decided to keep him. I was happy with that catch. After all it is really a beautiful bird.

I enclosed him with one of the “salakab” (a kawayan made contraption use on catching fish) that we are to use for the Christmas decoration. In a minute, voila! The it’s a instant temporary cage for him. After making sure that he now cant go no where, I opted to start with my work.

I occasionally check on him to see if he is trying to escape from his cage.

One by one my officemates arrived, we are really rushing too many paper works so we are all rendering overtime for the whole month. Everybody is please with my catch. Everybody is excitedly asking me to relive the story of catching him. So I do tell them about the whole thing and deal of story of catching him.

As usual Mark (we call him “dokdok”) is late. It was really in his table that I place the “salakab cage” it is strategically a much clearer table than what I have.

“Ay me ibon, buhay ba ito?” He curiously asked not really pertaining the question to any one. I guess because he don’t know who own the bird.

“Sino nakahuli?”

“Si Khalel.” One of my officemate decided to answer back his query thrown to the air.
“Khalel, buhay ba ito? Bakit parang nakadikit lang?” he continued.

So I decided to throw a look on the cage and saw Mark trying to see if really that bird is alive. Then the bird move.

“Ah, akala ko di buhay.” He said smiling.

I still kept my eyes set on the bird. Then it came to me, what I am doing to this poor creature. I clipped his wings and put him in a cage. Yes, it can be true, the bird mught just die.

I was battling it out in mind whether should I free or keep him. Then finally the resolution came. I stand up got him out of the cage. And slowly tried to take out the tape I put on his wings. He is somewhat crying really probably because it is scared or getting hurt with what I am doing with him. And no matter how I tried to be extra careful handling things of taking away the bondage I place onto him some of his flight feathers is destroyed and left his body. Finally, the tape is out. He is still making that sound of seemingly crying for the damage I put him.

I am still holding him in hand while slowly stroking his head to at least pacify him.

“Sorry for being so stupid of putting you the tape and trying to place you in a cage.” I told him.

I held him in my hand and rush my way to the fire exit.

“Again, I am sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

Then, slowly I open up my hand and he tried to open up his damage wings and flew.

Thursday, October 20, 2005


Huwag mong naising lisanin kita;
Wala 'kong hangaring ika'y mag-isa.
Sa'n man magtungo, ako'y sasabay,
Magkabalikat sa paglalakbay.

Mananahan sa tahanang sisilong sa 'yo,
Yayakapin ang landasin at bayan mo.

Poon mo ay aking ipagbubunyi
At iibigin nang buong sarili.
Sa'n man abutin ng paghahanap,
Ikaw at ako'y magkasamang ganap.

Ipahintulot nawa ng Panginoon:
Ni kamataya'y maglalaho, anino ng kahapon.

Dahil pag-ibig ang alay sa 'yo, mananatili ako.
H'wag nang naising tayo'y mawalay,
H'wag nang isiping
Magwawakas ang paglalakbay.

Friday, September 02, 2005

kufal: Episode II

"Sumakay ka na nga! Mauna ka na, magtataxi na lanag ako! I can take care of myself... Di mo naman ako love eh..."

We decided to call it a night (ay, morning na yun eh... its almost 3 am already). Me, being the gentleman that I am (hahaha, gentleman! lolz) opted to let him get the first cab to come along our way. But he insist that I should go already because I told him that I am still meeting some friends for a coffee at cafe adriatico. But I insisted I get him a cab first.

"Hmpft, nag iinarte pa eh di mo naman ako love..." he said.

I just returned him a smile because until that time I still cant find it in my heart what I truly feel for him. Siguro nga kasi medyo natatakot ako sa kanya. I was practically threathen by his lifestyle. Although admittedly, I barely know the real him.

The cab came and with a hand its stopped for us and he quickly went in. Then I went my way to see my friends at cafe adriatico.

That meeting was followed by another and another... until...

(to be continued)

Am I a Bad Son?

Early this morning while preparing mah self for work. I over heard my mom and lolo talking about my dad. The usual stuff about him really: IRRESPONSIBILITY as the basic theme of their discussion. When all of the sudden their little chit chat was focus on me and "HOW (according to them) I AM STARTING TO BE LIKE MY TATAY."

I felt really Bad.

Dont get me wrong. Yes, there are things about my tatay that I hate but nevertheless I have given him all the respect he deserve like any ordinary son to his father will give. It is just that it is somewhat unfair that nanay and lolo connecting me with my tatay's childlike attitude.

According to them I am like my dad, I am a good for nothing night life person who thinks about nothing but my own personal satisfaction. WALA NA DAW AKO GINAWA KUNDI MAGPUYAT NG WALANG KAWAWAAN!


I am working like no other ordinary man will work. A GOOD STRAIGHT SIXTEEN HOURS A DAY! not because I wanted to, BUT because I NEEDED to. I am financially obliged to do so and contrary to what they are saying that I am all for the good of my own self but because it is as if I am trying to breathe life to Three Families. I am an instant Family Man. I have to fill up the needed resources for me and mom, my lolo and lola, and my dad's other family.

Yes, I frequently go out... ON A WEEKEND! Simply because thats the only time I can commune with myself and at least protect my sanity. Thats the only time for me to pacify my soul from leaving me...

And they are calling me IRRESPONSIBLE for trying to keep myself sane in everything that is passing me every week.

Yes, I did try to convey to them the reason why I am going out. But still for them, it is just a fucking waste of time and money. A fucking waste of the less than 20% money left in me from mah two jobs because the greater 80% is strictly measured to the so called "family responsibility". Whew!

Sorry about this blog... I just needed an outlet. I came into work with a heavy heart, trying my best to conceal the dagger seemingly upon my heart screwing it severely... I pray someday they will find that time to really listen to me. Someday... I just hope its not too late.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

kufal: Episode I

"Hoy kufal ang hirap mo hanapin dito sa downelink ah!"

This is the sweetest message I ever received in mah downelink account and Whew! everything is rushing like a speeding bullet and love's bullet got my straight in my heart!

...At sa kapangyarihan ng mga diwata ng Engcantadia....


Ive known him for quite sometime now, at wala lang... He never had my attention before. Dont get me wrong... He is gorgeously cute (naks, naman... mwuah to you!) But there is something in him that really scares me... For one, i think he is young for me (as if naman nagkaroon ako ng partner na mas matanda sa akin. Argh! meron nga pala, hehehe!)Plus, i feel he is just someone apt for a one night stand. I just came out of a relationship, and I personally feel so fragile and scared even about little things. At siyempre me halo na rin pagpapakipot. (lolz!)

I did send him a message in downelink with my mobile number of course.

August 5, 2005

"Hoy kufal, Musta?"

Nagtxt na si "kufal!"

After a series of exchanging messages, we decided to meet that night. At kahit medyo ngarag sa trabaho si ako... cge punta ako, besides i was planning to go out that night. I feel so damn stress with work and a good air of the outside world can do magic for me....

That night
11:00 Pm

Nauna ako sa place at wala pa ang kufal! Argh!
Pinagtripan lang ata ako! Grrr....

I got mah drink... roam around and then I heard....

"Hoy kufal! Kufal kanina ka pa?"

I am trying to recognize his face, its been a while since we saw each other. and when... BANG!

"Who the fuck is he with?"

There is this old fellow in his early 40s with him on his table talking to him, while he is sipping his iced tea.

I got a mah self another drink and lighted a cigarette, occasionally disturb by the old guy as he occassionally glance at me when they continously talked about something.

Alas! The oldie left him, as I started to approach his table...

"so, who is the guy?" i asked.

"someone who is trying to hit on me." he answered back grinning.

"so... what happen? where is he going?" asking him back.

"sabi ko sa kanya... you are the only reason kung bakit ako nagpunta dito.. and for sure magagalit ka if a continously entertain him..."

"lapitin talaga ako ng nga matatanda!" he continued, and still giving that close up smile.

I just smiled back......
(We have 7 years age gap)

to be continued....

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Let's Talk about SEX.

One day I found myself sending a message (a group text) to people on my phone directory and ask them one question:

What is SEX?

So let's Talk about Sex...

"Sex is powerful, SEX is Joy, SEX is Hapinness, SEX is beautiful, SEX is Sacred, ah ewan basta SEX is SEX!"

- Marvin
(Marvin is a dentist somewhere in Quezon City)

"Hmmm... SEX... that's tricky. c",) I guess SEX is a very important intimate moment you share with someone you really like. You don't have to LOVE the person, but like him/her to the point that you feel your day isn't complete without spending time with that person."

- Mac

"SEX for me is an expression of who we really are. TRUE SEX, we are LIBERATED. NO qualms and inhibitions, no alter egos. Just plain you. SEX is the beginning of Everything and can be the end as well."

- Brew
(This guy is so in love with garfield... So i call him PUSSY!)

"Well SEX for me is the mostimportant thing that both inlove individuals shared. I really enjoy this with person i love most and not with a stranger who think that they can get you easily. I treasure this thing a lot so i am not going to do or have it with someone i dont love. It is a most sacred thing that we should give importance."

- Arnold

"SEX is CAIRO, melts in your mouth not in your hands."

- Jayson
(He is a bi male student of the University of Santo Tomas)

"Pare para sa akin ang SEX masarap gawin pag MAHAL mo ang taong ka SEX mo at masarap pag may pagmamahal na kasama at di lang SEX."

- Arthur

"SEX is an ART!"

- Maldito
(Spoken like a true beauty queen. I call him Melanie Marquez with tower height.)

"SEX is basically a process for procreation. It evolved into leisure when humanity has defeated the nature in their primeval struggle. Mahaba ang kasaysayan ng SEX. Putting the concept today, SEX is merely an activity to satisfy a couple or a group's LUST. It is proven to be healthy but there are risks, especially now that venereal desease (STI) are not uncommon. To gay people, SEX can either be arefuge for those who search for an escape route for those lost at heart."

- Kelly
(This guy has a sexy brain. Working for a call center, kelly can talk about anything)

Monday, July 25, 2005

Quotation Marks etc...

"Beneath the dingy uniformity of international fashion... Man remains a savage, a blood Thrist human Being."

- anonymous

(Hmmmm... blood thristy? Whew! I know others guys who are thirsty with something else, and its not colored red!)

"Never Try to Shine in a Barrowed Finery!"

- Jose P. Rizal

(So, charlatan and pure quacks.... STAY AWAY FROM ME!)

"Stay Blessed, Beautiful and Free."

- cairo

(Ei, its from me... stay beautiful guys!)

"I only let you see things I wanted you to see!"

- Ms. Celia Rodriguez

(Isususmbong kita kay Darna!)

"If you cannot be good... Be careful!"

- Joey Ventayen

(Joey is a friend of mine and whenever he made that que I would always laugh my heart out!)

Just Another Day?

Have you ever wonder when you wake up in the morning and found yourself doing the things you have done yesterday? EXACTLY REPEATING THE SAME THINGS YOU HAVE DONE YESTERDAY? Argh!!!!!

It seems to be that our lives is eaten by our days and nights without nothing happening special or at least someone who can pump up the beat of your heart and makes us... Ok, fall in love? Or done anything exciting or worth doing at all?

Sometimes, i cant help but compare myself to sisyphus. (check the spelling, cant really remember how does my Philisophy professor spell his name) Sisyphus is a a greek character (Was He? Hahahahaha) who condemned by the Gods and made him roll a boulder of rock on a mountain slope for the rest of his life. When the he reach the mountain top pushing that boulder, the rock will eventuall roll down again to another slope and there he go again pushing that boulder to the top once more.

There are times in my life that I think i am like him, doing things in routine, wittingly or unwittingly, over and over again. I wake up in the morning, do my morning rituals... go to work... stay there from 8 am to 11 pm, go home and try to catch some sleep to give me strength for just another day


Nah, everyday single is a miracle. It is a miracle that you wake from slumberous death. Each breath we take is magic. Each day is new challenge to make each better than what you have yesterday. Challenges that each single days offers is building up our character for the better. (or for the worse if we choose it to be that way.) Moulding us to be a much greater warrior of life as each days and and each nights hunts us.

Yes, LIFE IS ONE GREAT BATTLEFIELD. The cliche, we are living in a world that only thestrong survive. The Survival of the Fittest analogy is all much true. THE WEAKLINGS ARE LEFT BEHIND TO DIE, THEY PERISH WITH A SAD HEART BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THAT IT WAS JUST ANOTHER DAY...

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I Feel so Down.


The Power of Three

(The Power of Three: from left: Kiddo, Me and Jed)

Last Friday Night, I am with my two bestfriends! (bloodline lang kulang sa amen pero they are brothers in heart!) We partied at Government until four in the morning! (Shucks!)

Kinda bored really, it is our first time there and No offense to the people there but the crowd is really... Well just go there and get the picture for yourself.

Since we cant do anything that very moment because it will be such a drag if you move to malate at that hour (we came in around eleven pm. So we just try to enjoy ourselves and enjoy the party! Well we dance the whole night!

Jed: Cairo, ang tigas ng bewang mo!!!

Cairo: Hahahaha

But i get to dance with someone. (wink)

I hope makalabas kame ulet.

Friday, July 08, 2005

this is my song

listen just hear me out
yes i know we agreed
when we break up we'd never give in to this need
to admit to each other
i miss you

listen just hear my cry
no i won't break my word
if i do say i miss you it would never be heard
let my heart whisper
all that it needs to

how could you make me take a start?
then just leave me here hanging
can't even say how i'm feeling
how could you make then break my heart?
if i can't say that i miss you
let me say one last thing

i miss him
and all the things he could do
yes/oh, i miss him
just as much as i miss you
oh, i miss him
i know you're wondering who
yes, i miss him
i miss the man i was with you
oh i would never be the same

listen just hear my voice
can you hear all the tears?
that i'm planning to hide
for the next thousand years
just as long as you know that
i love you

how could you make me take a start?
then just leave me here hanging
can't even say how i'm feeling
how could you make then break my heart?
if i can't say that i miss you
let me say one last thing

i miss him
and all the things he could do
yes/oh, i miss him
just as much as i miss you
oh, i miss him
i know you're wondering who
yes, i miss him
i miss the man i was with you

how can i blind then find the light?
how can i find the kind of right?
how could you take away my sight?
how could you lose me in the night?
then you took away the heart in me
now i'm losing this fight
no i would never ever be the same

ooh.. ohh

oh, i miss him
and all the things he could do
yes, i miss him
just as much as i miss you
oh i miss him
i know by now you know who
yes, i miss him
i know by now you know who
i miss him
i miss the man i was with you

oh, i would never be the same


It's been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It's hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to
Self denial
Is a game so strange I never really should've wanted
Til there was you
Cause I have learned that love was beyond
What human can imagine
More it clears
The more I gotta let you go
'cause what I don't understand
Is why I'm feeling so bad now
When I know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am I the only one standing stranded
On the same ground
It's been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It's hard
Leaving you the way
When I never really wanted to
Self denial
Is a game so strange I never really should've wanted
Til there was you
Cause I have learned that love
Is a word just thrown
A little bit too much of this
Excuse to fill this infinite of desire
And nevere ever have to fade
Cause what i don't understand
Is why I'm feeling so bad now
When I know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am I the only one standing stranded
On the same ground
If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?