Friday, March 30, 2007


Twelve days and not a sound. The anger grows; hatred festers and screams inside me for release while I fight for control. Every sound is a blow, every thought a kick in the face, and every particle of light an explosion of pain. In darkness, in silence, in constant meditation I keep myself numb, sheltered; imprisoned.

The light of a street lamp, or a cars headlights, flickers in the room for an instant as the wind enters the open window and pulls the curtain aside just enough to catch a quick glimpse of the pair of tiny brown eyes, a miniature reflection of my own, and I wonder how it is that I could love someone so deeply that never even existed. But just as quickly as I caught the reflection of light the curtain returned and I was again alone. Loneliness has its pain, but this is where I prefer to be right now. At least until I can take a grasp of control over my hatred.

Numb the senses and dilute the thoughts, what you get is a zombie, motionless, feeling less, and lifeless; a freedom of our self-enslavement. No I cant tell you how I feel because I dont. I cant tell you what Im thinking because Im not. Happiness, fear, hope, and anger have been erased. However no matter how hard I try I cant seem to erase hatred or love, for these are essences of life. Without one or the other we lose what it is that makes us human. And after all of my experiences I have chosen hate over love.



--Sweet refractor I'm indebted to youFor your need in choosing me to be the one to subdueI've so much to think of when a push comes to shoveBut you've shown me that it's easier to hate then love.--


Thursday, March 29, 2007

Be Safe

Based on the growing reports of assault, robbery and murder that specifically target gay men, Along side this warning, we would also like to share the following information.

The guidelines aim to improve the security of the gay community. However, I would like to emphasize that these are not fail-safe measures; the best way is still to veer away from areas or opportunities where your safety may be compromised.

Most often, we ignore signs of danger because we don’t want to miss the opportunity presented before us. In these instances, it is better to let go of the situation in favor of our safety. Always remember that there are plenty of “safe” opportunities to meet new people for the possibility of sex, friendship or romantic relationships.

Weekend Cruise – gimmick nights

If you’re going out on a gimmick, it is best to go out with a group of friends and make sure you look out for each other.

While in a bar, a club or a party, it is understandable that one would have drinks. However, keep your alcohol intake in check.

When you are drunk or out of it, you are more likely to have a faulty memory or make poor judgments. Worse,you may be targeted by bad elements precisely because of your condition.

Also, always protect your valuables. Do not bring large amounts of cash, or leave your wallet or cell phone in sight.

In some of the reports, there are indications that the victims’ drinks were spiked with drugs that cause tiredness or disorientation. Thus, the victims lose control and are easier to rob or assault.

Here are a number of things you can do to avoid getting spiked drinks:

if someone you just met offers to buy you a drink, go to the bar with them do not leave your drink unattended;

if you are drinking bottled water, leave the cap on the bottle

do not sip from other people’s drinks

if you suddenly begin to feel tired or dizzy, immediately inform your companion(s) or the bar’s security staff (if there are any)

In case you meet someone new at a bar or a club:

get to know him by casually asking probing questions (his name, who he’s with, where he stays, where he works, etc.)

introduce him to your friends, make sure they get a good look at him (with enough lighting), and that he knows about it (this allows you and your friends to be able to identify him, should the need arise;

it also discourages a possible perpetrator because he knows he can be properly identified)

if you are going to proceed somewhere else, make sure that your friends know about it. If you are going to his place, it’s better if you can get his address and pass it on to your friends. Be as accurate as possible.

it is strongly advised that you do not bring strangers into your house,especially when you live alone if you decide to bring him to your place, inform a friend that you are bringing a guest to your house

also, let your guest know or let him think that someone else is staying with you (a roommate or household help, etc.), even if there is none

If a drunk friend is leaving the bar or the club:

encourage him to stay until he has sobered up a bit (offer water or juice) put him in a taxi (and take note of the taxi name, and plate number) if he’s not feeling okay, drive him home or call someone to pick them up.

Cyber cruise – chatting and eyeballs

If you are meeting someone you met from a chat room:

meet in a public place like a café or a restaurant text or call a friend to inform them where you are going if you decide to go to his place, inform your friend as well; again, it’s better if you can get his address and pass it on to your friend. It is strongly advised that you do not bring a stranger into your house, especially when you live alone.

If you decide to bring him to your place, inform a friend about it if you decide to bring him to your place, let him know or let him think that someone else is staying with you (a roommate or household help, etc)
even if there is none.

All-night Cruise – gay cruising areas

Recently, the authorities have also raided several public places frequented by gay men in the guise of arresting call boys, who are supposedly behind the assault and the murders. As a result, several gay men have also been arrested.

In these instances, it is best to know or have the following to avoid arrest:

keep in mind that cruising exposes you to the danger of arrest and other physical harm hanging out in a place, even if it has a reputation of being a cruising area, is not illegal.

however, you can be arrested if you are caught having sex (because of “public scandal”) or committing some other unlawful behavior (e.g. breaking public property such as street lamps, rest rooms, etc.) it is also very possible that the authorities will file charges that may or may not have basis (e.g. vagrancy, loitering, littering, breaking the curfew, etc.) in these instances, it is best to bring a valid identification (especially when charged with vagrancy or breaking the curfew)

Street safety

There is always a possibility that you will be harassed while on the street, especially at night. Here are some helpful tips to significantly reduce the risks while you are out:

trust your instincts; if something doesn’t feel right get away

always stay alert and act confident

walk with a group, like a friend or stick close to other gay men or lesbians

walk in well-lit areas

carry a whistle or a personal alarm, which may be useful to ward off a
possible attack

avoid walking through groups of rowdy young men, casually cross the
road and avoid eye contact.

keep your car or home keys handy, so that it would easier to enter a safe
space when needed

always make sure you set aside enough money to get home (have a taxi
fare ready, in case its necessary)

familiarize yourself with areas that have a reputation for trouble

Verbal abuse

Verbal abuse and name-callings are often indicative of the possibility of an assault. No matter how provocative these terms are or how witty you can be in giving out retorts, the primary concern should be your own safety:

remain calm when being provoked; most often, hecklers only get more encouraged when they see that you are affected.

if you are alone and the hecklers are many, it is better to ignore the provocation.

if you really wish to show them how witty you are, make sure that you are in a position where escape (when assaulted) is possible.

if the heckler is drunk, then there is really no sense in getting angry or arguing back

if the provocation comes with threats of assault, walk away as quickly as possible – it is better to have a bruised ego than have a bruised body.

report verbal abuse, especially physical threats, to authorities (such as the barangay council or the police)

Physical Assault

Physical assaults sometimes happen even if unprovoked or despite our attempts to avert it.

If you are being attacked, remember the following:

get away so soon as you can and seek help

stay calm and concentrate but try to make as much noise as you can to attract other people’s attention

try to check if the attacker has back-ups; if there are many attackers, it is very important to find a way to escape as soon as possible.

if you are cornered and on the floor, curl up and cover your head with your arms then roll to a more open and visible place, where escape or getting help is possible.

if you intend to attack back, remember that the most immediate goal is to incapacitate the attacker from giving further blows. Hit the attacker in “soft areas” where extreme pain is possible, such as the eyes, throat, and the crotch. Run away as soon as the opportunity to do so arises.

Get the details -- try to remember as many details as possible about the attacker, especially the physical and facial features of the perpetrator. immediately get medical attention and have a medico-legal examination also, report the incident to authorities as soon as possible (such as the barangay council or the police)

Violence against lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender affects everyone. Every attack against one of us is in reality an assault against the LGBT community. The growing reports of assault and murder against gay men should be a cause of concern, not only of the police, but of the whole

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


remembering cairo

not exactly sure where you are your heart slips from your throat and slams through those brittle bones they call your rib cage yes a kennel for you heart a cage for your soul a cell for you kingdom you fathom this to be whole there’s dried blood over your fingers tinging your cuticles rusty and while you sit there and ponder your world wide wonder sets acid flames upon my very tongue your mind explodes in the visage of carnations given off from the fountain lamps and their misty white bulbs like old victorian crushed red velvet you finally drop your eyes and deign to see me actually see me like i am truly there beside you like i have always ever been where i belong and you finally just now see me and now you see who the real master here is and why you act so subservient when you know very well you feel me around you those morons those insects those blighted little vicious tendrils i watch you crush one by one by one and dare i kiss each of your fingertips before you are done i love so utterly where as by you by me better now and somehow by now you know and by now you see and for all that has lost within you and me each empty day and simpering night such fight no flight insight demon knights all dancing in your head for me with a growl and a sigh right here beneath me you lie ever more mine and finally finally finally i have drowned you down within me we lament in these those cages and cells where we think we are whole but just infiltrated swiss cheese by holes by numbers and i keep telling you i keep telling you holding you down keeping you here i keep telling you i keep telling you come home there’s no place left for you to go come home before i make a worms meal of us all i don’t exist and i don’t believe until you tell me so when what why where how in me there’s nothing but you inside me holding my head holding my hand holding me down holding me

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


Eyes meeting,
Lips greeting,
Two hearts beating as one –
while crosses burn atop churches
and choir boys lose their angelic voices;
while priests drop dead between their pulpits
and bishops choke on holy water droplets.
Here, I stand with them by my side,
watching the end of the world –
when boys kiss boys.

Hands traveling,
Clothes unraveling,
Souls marveling at the sight –
while the trumpets sound from ear to ear
and demons rise to make their steal;
while fire rains from the blackened sky
and the faithful fear we are out of time.
Here, I sit with a martini in hand,
watching the end of the world –
when boys touch boys.

Head bobbing,
Flesh throbbing,
Sprits robbing themselves of life –
while below the oceans run red with blood
and the moon turns crimson right above;
while churches lose their pious wealth
and hell’s flames make statues melt.
Here, I lay in bed with them,
watching the end of the world –
when boys suck boys.

Blood rushing,
Passion gushing,
Bodies pushing past the brink –
while angels fall with broken wings
and sulfur burns through human skins;
while Babylon overtakes the hearts of men
and the Whore makes her House of Sin.
But I’m just laughing at the end of the world,
when boys fuck boys.

Pleasure tested,
Muscles rested,
Each one bested what came before –
while everyone waits for the final end
and a little girl fears her father’s best friends;
while God extends his mighty hand
and three women sleep with a married man;
while the Faithful wait to come out of the dark
and mankind still feels hate in their hearts;
while the Father descends along with His Son
and blood is spilled with the knife and gun –
I wonder, is it really the end of the world
when boys kiss boys?

Monday, March 26, 2007


with this, i think i will have a red wine.

The Devil in Me

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Shackle and Cuff

Alas, its weekend. Most probably my next post will be on monday again. So I am leaving you guys with a little bit naughty story. The inspiration for this story came from a casual coffee date - me, jed and bunso. But dont get dirty minds peepz - THIS IS FICTION. I wonder if mantra can grant me the same pleasure tonight for i told him last night that i really really wanna get drunk tonight - i am a naughty little devil when i am drunk, thats why! lolz! I just hope he gets to read this story - lolz!

But that Story is yet to happen. So meanwhile, try to focus your mind to this one first. And when your done, DON'T MESS UP YOUR MONITOR!






Ever since i got with Eros he'd been coming round mine everyday so i wasnt suprised when he turned up today. I let him in then made us some drinks and was taking them upstairs when i noticed he wasnt down stairs, I opened my bedroom door and he was lying on my bed naked apart from a sheet covering his dick my eyes went from this -_- to this O_O then he said,

"come get me..."

So I put the drinks down took my shirt off and jumped on the bed with him and i held his face then toungue kissed him, massaging his toungue with my own, I felt his hand undoing my belt and taking down my trousers but i didnt care all i wanted now was him i wanted him to fuck me and my dreams were answer as he said,

"roll over"

my eyes widened because i was slightly shocked that we both being virgins wouldnt realy try having sex well at least not at this stage so i said,


"roll over and relax"

"erm...ok..i guess"

i rolled over onto my stomach, he grabbed my semi from between my legs and got something from his bag, or somethings, and i felt something going on my ankles,now i know they were shackles he did them tight so that they kind of hurt,and got out some handcuffs and cuffed me too the bedposts, then he put a gag in my mouth and pulled all the chains so i was laying perfectly in the middle of the bed and could not do anything but squirm and make muffled noises from behind the gag. He got back on the bed near my lower half and i felt his cool chilling breath on my neck he started to kiss and nibble at my neck while his left hand played with my nipple and his right was at the bottom of my back i felt it going slowly down further until his hand was on my right ass cheek he caressed it while making a love bite just below my left shoulder, then i felt his right hand move off my ass then i felt three fingers penetrate my entrance this made me yelp but the sound was muffled by the gagg, he chuckled to himself and when further in he didnt care how much pain i was in he knew i'd enjoy it which i did but the pain was unlike any other i had felt. He pulled out his fingers then started playing with my other nipple, he was kneeling above me slightly then i saw his shadow move down so he was laying between my legs he moved sharply inward and i felt his cock go right in me and it hurt me so that i wenched the bed fowards when i moaned he kept going further in i felt my eyes rolling back into my skull my vision was foogy and i had what felt like a chair leg inside me. My erection was preesed agaisnt the soft silk on the bed and my abdomen. Each time he thrusted it rubbed together making me want to come, I wanted to come but it just wouldnt come out my head was spinning with thoughts and erotic sensations the adrenaline from all this hurt my head i was thinking about anything but cuming.

I felt him going further, quicker, deeper I was crying underneath the gag i wanted to cryout for him to stop but all i could do was make muffled sounds that sound like moans, I felt blood running down my inner thigh but he was'nt gonna stop until he got relief for himself. He kept getting faster and faster, his breathing became heavier and quicker too. He jerked up sharply and moaned loudly, I felt his semen go in me and drip along with the blood down my thigh and onto the bed. He pulled out quickly which felt uncomfortable as hell.

He took the shackles and cuffs off of me rolled me on my back and lay between my legs. His left hand was caressing my sack while his right went up and down my meber slowly his thumb just slightly grazing my tip. He stoped and i whimpered as the pleasure went away his hands lay on my upper inner thighs and he shut his eyes and licked the precum off of my tip and licked it around my erection then he slowly placed his mouth over my member at the tip, which he caressed with his tongue before going further along my length. He started sucking letting my dick go further down his mouth each time i went tense and he released his mouth from my cock then he said,

"shoot for me baby"

and i came across my own stomach and chest, my body was limp so i couldnt move, he licked the blood and cum from my legs and released the gag from my mouth. I had my eyes half closed then said,

"i love you...."

and collapsed on the bed under him.


Happy Weekend, Guys! Darn, Wipe out that mess you made with your monitor!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Mushroom

ang kabute, bow!


"I will Start All Over Again, Brute."

I was so freakin mad yesterday, i just found out that my promotion that i have been waiting for for almost three years now is yet confronted by another issue to date. All the pre and post qualification of pre and post interview, a memorandum order was served to the promotion board questioning its composition itself vis- a-vis the quorum. Argh!

I have heard humors before that my plight for the promotion was being sabotage yet nobody dare say his name. But somehow trailing back everything makes me realized something. It is the great puppeteer himself. Fuck! I so hate this guy, he is like that lurking predator in the dark that is always gazing upon any unsuspecting prey. And for three years his target was me. I fucking really dont get it - he has the power, the money. I really dont get it why the hell he is picking on me. Then someone told me, "It is simply because you are not the type who would be submissive to his every will." Fucking right!

Maybe thats really it, for times him and i have talked, he is like the devil on the temptataion of Christ - Offering me wealth and power. But I refused to and straightforwardly told him that I will get all that in my own time and my loyalty is with current superior. Maybe thats the one thing he cant swallow, i junked his offer because of my loyalty for my boss. Something he will never have if he dont have the power and wealth.

Well, back off brute! I wont give in to your will. Shut down my promotion as long as you can but when i get the chance i will fucking make sure that you spend the rest of your life hugging cold bars, Brute!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Under Construction

Guys, please bare with me. I am again, remodelling the templates of this site. Also, if you have any suggestion please try to drop me a line or two, so i can incorporate it in the new design.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


His eyes strayed, though he told them not to. The boys were cruel. They boasted and sauntered around, they fought and laughed. But damn, they looked so good. Jed Marquez couldn't help but gaze at the half clothed buffet of boys laid out in front of him.

"What're you looking at, faggot?" Someone shoved him up against his locker from behind, though he couldn't tell whom, and he didn't really want to look.

Jed closed his eyes as he went about his business, ignoring the occasional push or shove he received. Most of the other boys in the locker room had left by the time Jed was pulling on his shirt. Looking across the open locker room, Jed's eyes set upon Glenn Santos, a known gay in the school. Glenn had gotten picked on earlier on, right after he came out, until his older brother started threatening violence upon the jerks that were doing it. Greg Santos was the MVP for the school's basketball team, and very protective of his little brother. He graduated two years ago, but was still known to rough up guys that messed with Glenn.

The locker room was empty outside of him and Glenn, as well as a few other guys who were quickly emptying out. Each wall and half-wall of that locker room held countless rows and columns of dented green lockers. Wooden benches ran parallel to the walls all the way around the room, and there were three or four benches laid out in lines just in the center of the room. One door led off to the showers a few feet away from where Jed sat.

"... erks, eh?"

Jed snapped out of his reverie to look up at Glenn, "Huh?"

"I said those guys are jerks, eh? Are you okay?" Glenn said, offering his hand down to Jed. Jed hadn't officially come out of the closet yet, but he and Glenn had been friends for a while, and it was rather obvious that Glenn knew, along with the rest of the school.

Placing his hand in Glenn's, Jed scrambled to a stand, smiling at him winsomely, "Y-yeah."

They stood there for several minutes, smiling at each other as they held their hands. Jed suddenly realized what was happening, and drew his hand away, laughing softly. Glenn made a remark about the blush creeping over his face, and that blush reddened.

"So, those exams are gonna be tough, huh," Jed remarked as he counted the large tiles under his feet.

"Yeah, I got a lot of studying to do."

"Do you… do you want to come study at my house, after school?" Jed’s stomach was in knots as he asked that horrible question. Glenn merely smiled and nodded his head yes, and they split company.

The rest of the day, Jed was on cloud nine. He smiled at everyone, and even skipped when no one was looking. He sat at the front of every class, and answered every question with a chirp of an answer and a goofy little smile. He didn’t even mind the obligatory pushes and shoves, nor the name callings he received as he left school that day and rode the bus home.

Jed meticulously placed every hair on his head into a perfect position after showering three times. He brushed, flossed, and rinsed his teeth until the enamel was worn off, and spent twenty minutes hand picking every article of clothing he was going to wear.

He practically jumped out of his flesh when the doorbell rang, barely managing to evade tripping over every object in the house as he darted toward the front door. Composing himself and exhaling deeply, he tried to control his grin as he pulled the door open.

"Hi!" Jed greeted Glenn, his knees almost going weak as that grin lost control once again.

"Hey Jed," Glenn said, holding out the few books he brought, seemingly presenting them for view. Jed took a few of the books from his hands, even though Glenn could have easily carried the books on his own. Jed decided it might be a nice gesture.

Turning around, Jed led Glenn through the house, headed in the roundabout direction of the Marquez kitchen. As they passed through the living room, Glenn's eyes sweeped over the several dozen family pictures hung up there. Jed occasionally stopped beside a window and opened up the blinds covering it, grumbling about the lack of "natural light".

"This your family?" Glenn asked as he stopped before a large portrait hanging on the wall.

"Yeah. That's my dad, Danton, my mom Katrina, and my brother Chris," Jed said as he pointed negligently at three of the people in the family portrait.

"Who's the little girl?"

Jed laughed as he remembered that day. "That's our little cousin, Louise. We were babysitting her and she couldn't be trusted to sit still all by herself outside the studio, so we took the picture with her." Glenn laughed politely. He didn't find all that much humor in it, but he didn't want to appear rude.

They lingered in their very short sojourn toward the kitchen. Glenn asked a few more questions about Jed's family, and Jed responded kindly and asked a few about Glenn in return.

"Do you want something? Soda, maybe?" Jed asked once they arrived in the kitchen. Glenn smiled and accepted a glass of cola, their hands lingering upon each other as they exchanged the beverage. Jed blushed as he walked with Glenn toward the den.

The den was a rather dark room; that is until Jed arrived and opened the one window and turned on a light or two. Boxes of magazines and other knick knacks were stacked up against the wall, covering several dozen more family pictures, and there was one worn-in couch laying against the northern wall, with a coffee table set in front of it. It was generally used as a study, and there was one very old computer sitting on a desk on the far wall, beside a large shelf of books.

"Shall we start?" Glenn asked as they sat down close to each other on the couch.

They flirted as they studied; or rather, they studied as they flirted. Cheeks turned red, hands were touched, and knees were brushed. What began as innocent soon delved into debauchery. The tension in the room was blossoming, as Glenn finally leant toward Jed and pursed his lips. Jed's eyes fluttered closed as electricity flowed through his body like a ground wire.

"What the hell is going on here?" Someone asked in a bitterly calm voice from the doorway.

Standing at the doorway was Danton Marquez, Jed's father. His face was porcelain, and he leveled a malevolent gaze upon the two pubescent lovebirds.

"I should probably go," Glenn said. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jed."

Jed could only dumbly nod at Glenn's statement, his fearful face fixed upon his father in front of him. The lecture that followed was stern and biting. Danton was a devout, right-wing Christian, and his first instinct was to reach for the shelf of bibles and biblical literature.

"...Nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God." Danton spoke in a fervent voice, his eyes leveled upon his cowering son.

"For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error," His father continued on, his voice growing in volume and malice.

And so he ended his recitation of biblical passages with one last sentence, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is an abomination."

"But why?" Jed cried out, very confused and quite upset.

Jed's father slammed the bible within his hands closed and loomed over his son, "I will not have a faggot living in my house. You are going to get over this sickness, whatever the hell it is, and you are going to do it quickly, or the Hand of God will strike you down!"

"The Hand of God made me. He loves me," Jed cried, coming to his feet and imploringly reaching his hands up toward his father.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Danton raised the bible up and brought it down on Jed's ear, knocking Jed onto the carpet. Danton casually walked across the den to put the bible back onto the shelf, and left his son curled up on the carpet, sobbing.

A little later, after Jed finally calmed down, he decided to go back to the den. His hands shook as he drew a dictionary from the shelf, opening it up and flipping through the pages.

"Abomination, abomination," Jed ran that word through his head, frowning. He was never very good in English class, and his vocabulary wasn't exactly top notch. He finally pinned down the article he wanted with one finger, and read it.


1. Abhorrence; disgust.
2. A cause of abhorrence or disgust.

Jed chewed those words in his mouth, tears coming to his eyes, "Disgust?" he cried, shoving the book out of his hands as though he were holding lit napalm. His love disgusted his father. He turned that thought over in his mind, growing more teary-eyed by the second. He cried himself to sleep that night.

School that next day was horrible for Jed. He barely looked anyone in the face, trying to conceal the black eye he held in shame. He skipped gym class in the morning so as not to have to face Jack, but to no avail, as Glenn caught Jed after school in the parking lot. Jed's pace quickened as he sought to evade Glenn, but Glenn soon caught up to him easily.

"Where were you today?" Glenn asked as he grabbed Jed's arm.

Jed turned to face Glenn, head hung low pitifully. With a startled gasp, Glenn took his friend's cheeks in his hand, lifting Jed's face up to his. Their lips found each other in an instinctive, comforting kiss, and Jed's eyes closed.

"What happened?" Glenn cooed.

"It's nothing; I accidentally walked into a door, I'm such a klutz," Jed lied, chuckling softly at his 'mistake'. Glenn laughed and pulled Jed into a hug, and Jed timidly returned that hug. They made small talk as they both walked to Glenn's home, and somewhere along that sojourn their hands found each other.

Their relationship bloomed over the weeks. Jed was beat up and picked on less and less, as word spread that he was Glenn's boyfriend, and as word also spread that Glenn's brother would visit harm upon anyone who touched Jed.

"You should go, my dad's coming home any minute," Jed said one day, kissing Glenn on the lips and scooting away from him.

"Why do you have to hide from him? What's going on?" Glenn frowned.

"I... Do you remember that day at school? My black eye?" Jed asked. Glenn was about to answer, but Jed continued on, "That wasn't because I walked into a door. My dad, he hit me the day before. After he saw you and me kiss."

"Oh Jed," Glenn reached out to hug Jed, but he was stopped.

"You really should go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Jed smiled and kissed Glenn, and Glenn left.

A few weeks later, after a particularly steamy "study" session, it went further than usual. In that den that started it all, they made love. The house was empty, and Jed's father was at work 'til later that night, so they engaged in that most loving of acts. As they lay there in reverie holding each other, Jed smiled softly and tilted his head to gaze into Glenn's eyes.

"I love y--dad!"


"Earlier today, two young men and a middle aged man were found dead in a suburban home. Danton Marquez was the father of one of the two boys, and police reports state that he shot the two teenagers, and then turned the gun on himself. De La Salle University, where the two boys attended, and the entirety of the community, have been thrown into mourning at this senseless tragedy. Funerals are being arranged, and later th--"

"Turn off the television, ma," Chris said, interrupting the monotone drone of the news reporter. With a shaking hand, Katrina Marquez felt for the power button on the remote. When she finally managed to turn off the television, she fell across the couch and held her stomach, sobs shaking her body. Chris walked across the living room to wrap his arms around his mother, and so they held each other; a broken family.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Lube Talk

Among condom users in the country, petroleum jelly, baby oil, hand creams, massage oils and other oil-based lubricants are usually applied as additional lube on condoms. Consumers are largely unaware that oil-based lubricants can break latex condoms in seconds. They often blame the latex for the breakages, and they have perpetuated the myth that condoms are unreliable.

To be assured of safer sex, water-based lube should be used. Water-based lube with powerful, long-lasting lubricating properties do not dry out, which provides a high safety factor in preventing condom breakage.

Some men who have sex with men use condoms with inappropriate lube during anal sex. Shampoo, soap and conditioners are used since these are easily accessible. These can actually cause pain and discomfort when used as lubrication.

Moisture creams and lotions can interfere with the body's pH levels and cause irritation or infection. Oil products become tacky and sticky and are not water-soluble; washing them off becomes a real messy problem.

What Does A Water-Based Lubricant Do?

Can make penetrative sex less painful.

Can increase sensitivity and heighten sexual pleasure when used with condoms.

May protect the vaginal wall and the anal canal from irritation, preventing abrasions, which could cause infections


Last night, there was a sale on HBC near MCC. So right after the mass - Jed, Marco and I rushed ourselves to the boutique and tried to Grab some stuff.

One of the "interesting" stuff we got is a water based lubricant by body recipe. Pretty Cool really! Hahaha! I hope mantra and I can try it later this night! Lolz!

Homo Santos: David and Jonathan

I Sam 20:1-42

And David fled from Naioth in Ramah, and came and said before Jonathan, What have I done? what is mine iniquity? and what is my sin before thy father, that he seeketh my life?

And he said unto him, God forbid; thou shalt not die: behold, my father will do nothing either great or small, but that he will show it me: and why should my father hide this thing from me? it is not so.

And David sware moreover, and said, Thy father certainly knoweth that I have found grace in thine eyes; and he saith, Let not Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved: but truly as the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, there is but a step between me and death. Then said Jonathan unto David, Whatsoever thy soul desireth, I will even do it for thee.

And David said unto Jonathan, Behold, to morrow is the new moon, and I should not fail to sit with the king at meat: but let me go, that I may hide myself in the field unto the third day at even.
If thy father at all miss me, then say, David earnestly asked leave of me that he might run to Bethlehem his city: for there is a yearly sacrifice there for all the family.
If he say thus, It is well; thy servant shall have peace: but if he be very wroth, then be sure that evil is determined by him. Therefore thou shalt deal kindly with thy servant; for thou hast brought thy servant into a covenant of the LORD with thee: notwithstanding, if there be in me iniquity, slay me thyself; for why shouldest thou bring me to thy father? And Jonathan said, Far be it from thee: for if I knew certainly that evil were determined by my father to come upon thee, then would not I tell it thee? Then said David to Jonathan, Who shall tell me? or what if thy father answer thee roughly?

And Jonathan said unto David, Come, and let us go out into the field. And they went out both of them into the field. And Jonathan said unto David, O LORD God of Israel, when I have sounded my father about tomorrow any time, or the third day, and, behold, if there be good toward David, and I then send not unto thee, and show it thee; The LORD do so and much more to Jonathan: but if it please my father to do thee evil, then I will show it thee, and send thee away, that thou mayest go in peace: and the LORD be with thee, as he hath been with my father. And thou shalt not only while yet I live show me the kindness of the LORD, that I die not: But also thou shalt not cut off thy kindness from my house for ever: no, not when the LORD hath cut off the enemies of David every one from the face of the earth.

So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, Let the LORD even require it at the hand of David's enemies. And Jonathan caused David to swear again, because he loved him: for he loved him as he loved his own soul.

Then Jonathan said to David, Tomorrow is the new moon: and thou shalt be missed, because thy seat will be empty. And when thou hast stayed three days, then thou shalt go down quickly, and come to the place where thou didst hide thyself when the business was in hand, and shalt remain by the stone Ezel. And I will shoot three arrows on the side thereof, as though I shot at a mark. And, behold, I will send a lad, saying, Go, find out the arrows. If I expressly say unto the lad, Behold, the arrows are on this side of thee, take them; then come thou: for there is peace to thee, and no hurt; as the LORD liveth. But if I say thus unto the young man, Behold, the arrows are beyond thee; go thy way: for the LORD hath sent thee away. And as touching the matter which thou and I have spoken of, behold, the LORD be between thee and me for ever. So David hid himself in the field: and when the new moon was come, the king sat him down to eat meat. And the king sat upon his seat, as at other times, even upon a seat by the wall: and Jonathan arose, and Abner sat by Saul's side, and David's place was empty.

Nevertheless Saul spake not any thing that day: for he thought, Something hath befallen him, he is not clean; surely he is not clean. And it came to pass on the morrow, which was the second day of the month, that David's place was empty: and Saul said unto Jonathan his son, Wherefore cometh not the son of Jesse to meat, neither yesterday, nor to day? And Jonathan answered Saul, David earnestly asked leave of me to go to Bethlehem: And he said, Let me go, I pray thee; for our family hath a sacrifice in the city; and my brother, he hath commanded me to be there: and now, if I have found favour in thine eyes, let me get away, I pray thee, and see my brethren. Therefore he cometh not unto the king's table.

Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said unto him, Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion, and unto the confusion of thy mother's nakedness? For as long as the son of Jesse liveth upon the ground, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom. Wherefore now send and fetch him unto me, for he shall surely die.

And Jonathan answered Saul his father, and said unto him, Wherefore shall he be slain? what hath he done? And Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him: whereby Jonathan knew that it was determined of his father to slay David. So Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger, and did eat no meat the second day of the month: for he was grieved for David, because his father had done him shame.

And it came to pass in the morning, that Jonathan went out into the field at the time appointed with David, and a little lad with him. And he said unto his lad, Run, find out now the arrows which I shoot. And as the lad ran, he shot an arrow beyond him. And when the lad was come to the place of the arrow which Jonathan had shot, Jonathan cried after the lad, and said, Is not the arrow beyond thee? And Jonathan cried after the lad, Make speed, haste, stay not. And Jonathan's lad gathered up the arrows, and came to his master. But the lad knew not any thing: only Jonathan and David knew the matter. And Jonathan gave his artillery unto his lad, and said unto him, Go, carry them to the city.

And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded. And Jonathan said to David, Go in peace, for as much as we have sworn both of us in the name of the LORD, saying, The LORD be between me and thee, and between my seed and thy seed for ever. And he arose and departed: and Jonathan went into the city.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Asian HeatWave: Alvin Alfonso

behind his adorable looks and masculine build, there's something about hunky lad, alvin alfonso, that seems to imply a deliciously wild and wicked nature.

known as being a good, down-to-earth model, 6-foot tall alvin first came to national attention endorsing wholesome products such as "colgate", "piknik" and the local telco's broadband internet service. but it wasn't until his turn as the new hot model for "bench", a popular and established filipino clothing brand, did this gorgeous spunk's star truly began sizzling.

alvin's continued exposure in many underwear print ads for "bench" cemented his popularity and status as a sex symbol. his confidence and progressiveness continually saw him baring his sexy physique and boyish smile, first in an issue of philippines' cosmopolitan and more recently in queer magazine, generation pink, complete with a racy image of him on the cover.


Thursday, March 15, 2007

Gay Birds

Repertory Philippines stages “Gay Birds,” an adaptation of Jean Poiret’s La Cage Aux Folles at Onstage Theater from March 16 to April 1. Set in “Birdcage,” a fictitious Manila transvestite club during the disco/Martial law era, this adaptation follows the travails of the gay couple George and Albert when George’s son from a drunken one-night stand, Emil, comes home to announce that he is getting married. Excited at first to meet his “in-laws,” Albert is crushed to find out that Emil is excluding him from the marriage.

The ups and downs of all the hiding and revealing—all set in one evening—provide comic fodder and sentimental situations on the question of gender, identity, sexuality, and family. More details here.

Gay Birds stars Arnel Carrion, Oliver Usison, Jejie Esguerra, Topper Fabregas, Tony Amador, Dingdong Rosales, Jejie Esguerra, Hans Eckstein, Micah Muñoz, Carlos Canlas, Boyd Tinio, Cathy Azanza, Charlie Barredo, and Naths Everett.

This Repertory Philippines’ production will have its opening weekend be on March 16, 17, and 18. Performances are scheduled on Fridays and Saturdays at 8:00 p.m with Saturday and Sunday matinees at 3:30 p.m.

For inquiries, call Ticketworld at 8919999.

Diskriminasyon 101

Discrimination is common,invisible and remains unaddressed.

A survey done by SWS in 2001 reveal that Filipinos in general held largely negative views toward lesbians and gays. More than 50% of the respondents said that homosexuality can never be rationalized, while a quarter would rather not have lesbian or gays as neighbors.

Discrimination is happening in schools,workplace, communities, public service, in the healthcare system, and most importantly, in the family. In politics and in the media, lesbians and gays also experience prejudice.

Some lesbians and gays encounter discrimination even within their families. According to the Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Studies, suicide is on the rise among adolescent lesbians and gays due to lack of acceptance in families.

Some schools have adopted a ‘masculinity test’ to screen out gay students. Others have made cross-dressing as a basis of dismissal, while in some schools, organizing lesbian and gay groups is prohibited.

Stigmatization of HIV/AIDS as ‘a homosexual’s disease’ have made access to healthcare difficult for lesbians and gays. For Lesbians, access to reproductive health is sometimes denied Because of negative and flawed stereotypes.

In the workplace, one’s sexual orientation or gender identity is used as a basis for dismissal,rejection, or denial of promotion or benefits.

In politics, the higher the position, the lesser the possibility of having an openly lesbian and gay politician.

The Philippine media promotes flawed and restricted stereotypes of lesbians and gays to sell their products. Lesbians and gays can be
good entertainers or TV show hosts but they can never be TV broadcasters. TV companies also peddle negative images of gays for their ratings.

Discrimination is invisible

Negative treatment of lesbians and gays creates an environment that is conducive for more abuses. People in general feel that since it is okay to ridicule lesbians and gays, negative behavior against them is not an issue.

When raped or when physically abused, lesbians and gays oftentimes hesitate to seek assistance from the police because of fears of further abuses.

While there are no laws that explicitly prohibits homosexual acts, some laws – like the antikidnapping law and the anti-vagrancy law -are used to harass lesbians and gays.

Discrimination remains unaddressed

Other than the anti-discrimination ordinance in Quezon City (2002), there are no laws that protect lesbians and gays from abuses and human rights violations.

Discrimination must stop

In 1999, AKBAYAN party list Rep. Etta Rosales through LAGABLAB filed the Anti-discrimination Bill to penalize discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

The bill was re-filed in 2004 as HB 634. It criminalizes a wide range of discriminatory practices, among them discrimination in schools, workplaces, healthcare, public service, etc. It is
now scheduled for Second Reading in Congress.

Two counter-part Anti-Discrimination Bills were filed in the Senate by Senators Miriam Defensor-Santiago and Bong Revilla.

You can stop discrimination

This Election vote for Candidates that will support the passage of the Anti-Discrimination Bill in Congress. Push your local government to pass an ordinance banning discrimination against lesbians and gays.

Its High Time!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Asian HeatWave: Alfred Vargas

Alfred Vargas is a Filipino film and TV actor. He was originally a member of ABS-CBN Star Circle acting workshop batch 10. From there he had his TV role in the drama soap opera Pangako Sa Yo (My Promise to you) from the same network. But this Ateneo de Manila graduate was acting in theatre long before the talent scouts lured him into television.

Undoubtedly his breakthrough role came in the film Bridal Shower by Seiko films in which he was able to display his acting potential as a drama actor. This along with the move to the GMA Network opened a slew of opportunities for the young actor. This move has seen him feature in prominently in three notable shows in Philippine television, the daytime drama Daisy Siete and the fantasy series' Encantadia (as Aquil) and Etheria (as Amarro).

Alfred Vargas also played "Dodong" in the Gay Superhero Flick of Zsa Zsa Zaturnah as the "panadero" (baker) who fell in love with Ada played Rustom Padilla.

Man Diva

Let out the Diva in You!

Pride Manila Chorus auditions*
rolls out this:17 March 2007 Saturday 2:00 p.m.
at the Annex 232 of the UP College of Music , Diliman Quezon City

be ready with:
an audition piece(preferably from a musical)
2×2 photo

for details, contact:0922-8108997 · 0917-5020981 · 0928-6144592

*this audition is open to gay and gay-friendly men

Monday, March 12, 2007

One Year

There were times my heart bled,
My eyes dripping with pools of water
Times when I stumbled and fell...
But I picked myself up and headed for shore.

Just when I wasn't looking for someone,
When I thought I'd be all alone,
When I believed everything was gone,
I found you...
You brought back my sense of being,
You brought back everything I believed in,
You gave me back my zest for life,
I was back on track.
Thank you for loving me.
But most of all,
For giving me a chance to love again,
And be loved in return...
Thank you...
For the love that keeps me alive,
A heart that reminds me with its every beat,
And a love so precious I discovered in you...

I Love You, Mantra.



Happy First Year Anniversary Bibi! I Love You!
(better be safe, grammar police are lurking in the dark)

Friday, March 09, 2007

The Sinner

What If?


“Oh Lord!” Carlos cried as he leaned his back against the door he had just slammed shut. It was a symbolic thing that he had his back to the room of his daughter. How could she have even thought what she was just doing was alright? How disgusting! Even thinking about it, he felt queasy.

He tried to think of what he could have done, remembering the day she first appeared on the earth. He had been praying for a child, they both had together. It was almost exactly five years after their marriage that their prayer had been answered, and the cry that rang from the kitchen startled them both awake.

It had been three in the morning when she had appeared, coming into tangible form in the way nearly all babies did. He was grateful that he had forgotten to close the bread before he went to sleep. Something like that, some act of genuine forgetfulness, was one of the only things that could create a child, apart from God himself.

They had named her Patriacia Louis Cruz, and those first years were a sort of bitter-sweet bliss.

She had seemed so…normal. Always so normal. Carlos felt a wave of nausea once again, and stamped down the stairs to Marco’s den. Marco looked up quietly when Carlos entered the doorway, eyes waiting for an explanation as to the interruption, putting the pages in his hand down as this seemed too important not to allot his full attention toward.

Carlos closed his eyes for a moment, fighting back tears of the parental betrayal. “I found Patricia in her room, and Jayson was with her. Only they weren’t studying.”

Marco gulped. “What do you mean?”

“They were kissing each other.”

“No…” he said, eyes indicating that he was revisiting memories of his upbringing. He had lived with his uncle who had (illegally) married a woman. He remembered the absolute shame of having had an uncle and an aunt, ones who were together. Together together.

“Oh, Marco…what’s going to happen now? What do we say?”

“I don’t know…I suppose we should forbid them from seeing each other.”

“Will that work?” said Carlos, concerned. “Remember those teenaged days, we never listened if we were told not to do something we, unfortunately, had considered right when it wasn’t. Oh, Marc…” He chewed at his lip as the tears glossing his eyes threatened to fall. Marco wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

“I suppose we should show her the dangers of a,” he frowned, “straight relationship. Oh God, I never would have imagined…”

“I gotta get away, honey. Let’s go out. I’m sure Jayson has left by now.”

“I’m going to check to make sure.”

“Good. I won’t have him in our house with the way he had his hands all over her. And vice versa!”

“He did?” Not waiting around for an answer, Marco headed out to race up the stairs, but ran right into the boy, who was attempting to do the opposite.

“You little whore,” Marco declared, eyes narrowing as if of their own volition.

The boy hung his head, as if ashamed. “Please don’t tell my mom. Please,” he looked up for a short moment, eyes pleading along with his words.

“I don’t plan on speaking with your mother. You are no longer my concern. Get out. Get out of my house now, and don’t bring her into sin, you depraved little boy.”

Tears were welling up in the boy’s eyes as he pushed past Marco and flew out the door.

Listening at another door, Patricia cried softly.

“An all girls academy?”

“We think it’s for the best.”

“It’s Christian too. You want to please God, right? To stay away from these horrible sins?”

“Yes,” she answered, if a bit hesitantly.

“The bible makes it overwhelmingly clear, Patricia. He made man and woman just as he made tigers and leopards. They aren’t supposed to be together. Don’t you remember Sodom and Gommorah?”

“What about the lion and the tiger! They mate together, they make ligers. It’s not all black and white!”

“Don’t give me this inanity, Patricia!” Carlos shot back. “You know he placed the lion and the tiger in separate parts of the world for that reason.”

“No, Dad, I don’t know that. I can’t know that. And you can’t either! None know the mind of God!”

“Which is why he created the bible, His word. We need to protect you from this urge of yours to rebel. You can’t honestly really like him.”

“But I do!”

“But, think about it Patricia. To have sex with him. Imagine him…well I don’t even know how it would work! Your parts are so different. You’re of different breeds!”

“This has to end, and fast. You can still redeem yourself. It’s never too late to return to God’s favor while you are still living.”

Patricia frowned deeply and her arms crossed across her chest.

“Think of the health risks,” supplied Marco. “Imagine getting pregnant! So unnatural. From what I hear, you would never get over it, the pain of knowing what you had done!”

“I hate you!” Patricia cried. “I hate you!”

“So be it. If you cannot live under our rules, Patricia, cannot become a respectable lesbian, there is just nothing more we can do for you. You may as well move yourself out.”

Wiping at her eyes, Patricia gathered herself a blanket of God-fueled resignation and stood, giving a bow before muttering something about going up to her room to pack.



What sayeth you?

Happy Weekend Guys.

Stay Blessed, Beatiful and Free.

Bruce at PBB

Bruce Cabral former UP Maroon and PBL Player is now at ABS CBN's PBB

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Homo Santos: St Sergius and St Bacchus

Saints Sergius and Bacchus were two Roman soldiers and lovers. As John Boswell has shown recently they were invoked repeatedly in the middle ages in the blessing of ceremonies of union for couples of the same sex. They were arrested and humiliated for being Christians. Bacchus was killed first, and then a few days later, Sergius. Their joint "passion" calls them "erastoi" - that is "erotic lovers", and after he died, Bacchus offers himself to Sergius as the prize for Sergius' martyrdom. The female clothes they were forced to wear may have been an early example of gay baiting. (One thing that cannot be found among the saints is a male saint who voluntarily adopted women's clothes). Their cult was one of the most intense in the eastern Mediterranean, with a huge pilgrimage site at Sergiopolis (Rusapha). The passage following, translated from the earliest passion by John Boswell, recounts Sergius' laments after Bacchus' death, and Bacchus appearance to him, promising himself as the prize of martyrdom.

from The Passion of St. Sergius and Bacchus

Meanwhile the blessed Serge, deeply distressed and heartsick over the loss of Bacchus, wept and cried out, "No longer, brother and fellow soldier, will we chant together, 'Behold, how good an pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!' You have been unyoked from me and gone up to heaven, leaving me alone on earth, bereft, without comfort." After he uttered these things, the same night the blessed Bacchus suddenly appeared to him with a face as radiant as an angel's, wearing an officer's uniform, and spoke to him. "Why do you grieve and mourn, brother? If I have been taken up from you in body, I am still with you in the bond of union, chanting and reciting, "I will run the way of thy commandments, when thou hast enlarged my heart.' Hurry up then, yourself, brother, through beautiful and perfect confession to pursue and obtain me, when finishing the course. For the crown of justice for me is with you."

Feastday, formerly 7 October; "cults suppressed in 1969" (The Book of Saints, 505).


Today, Same Sex Marriage is one of the most debatable issue of our times. How ironic that Religious Orders are condemning it.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Philippine Blog Award Nominees

The Nomination for the Philippine Blog Award is now officially closed. Below is the Updated list of nominees as of this date, as the organizer still collates the list of entries for the extension period provided.

The Awarding Ceremonies will be held on 31 March 2007, 5pm at Podium 4, RCBC Plaza Auditorium in Makati City.

26 February 2007, 10:46AM (Manila Time)






Home & Living

Photo Blog

Fashion & Lifestyle


News & Media


Sports & Recreation

Bloggers’ Choice Award

Best Blog Design

Best OFW Blog

Best Free Custom Theme

Best Blog Plugin/Extension



Whew! Five Nominations for Hush and Listen! I am really honored guys! Thank you so much! I am proud to be a part of the The Philippine Blog Award 2007.

To All my fellow nominees, Congratulations! May the Best Blog Win!