Sunday, November 16, 2014
Binalot muli ako ng lungkot at kawalang pag asa, marapat na batid nuon pa man isang supot ng kalungkutan na ang pumipigil sa aking hininga makaalpas tungo sa liwanag na aking inaasam.
Isang katotohanang ako lang nakakaalam.
Hindi ako ang kilalang mong sino ako. Wala ako sa katinuan. Wala ako sa aking sarili.
Hindi ako ang kinikilala mong lalaking nakayapak sa lupang inaakala mong yumayabag at bumabasag sa iyong pandinig.
Matagal na akong patay. Matalgal na akong nabubulok.
Inuuod na ang aking kaluluwa. Unti Unti na nilalamon ang aking mga natitirang pag asa.
Sa bawat luha.
Sa bawat mumunting pintig ng pusong naghihingalo.
Sa bawat gunita na unti unting naglalaho.
Sa takot at hilakbot isang araw hindi ko na maalala maging ang aking sarili.
Wala akong magawa... Hahayaan kong maniwala ka sa isang bagay na inaakala mong ako.
Hahayaan kong titigan mo ang aking katawan balot ng kakaibang lakas na di matatawaran.
Inuulit ko sa yo, hindi ako ang nakikita mo.
Manapat aasahan ko isang araw... sa isang dapit hapon makikita mo ako.
Sa gitna ng parang... naghihintay upang makilala mo ang tunay na ako.
Hihintayin kita sa Dapit Hapon kung saan tayo magsisimula muli.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Traces of poison
linger in my heart,
forcibly kept at bay.
I can still taste that bitter taste
of hope from being around you
and the painful, disgusting aftertaste of jealousy.
Your scent still lingers in my mind,
I smell it whenever I breathe,
and I feel I'm suffocating on it.
Your eyes are burnt into mine
because the second my eyes shut,
I see them.
Your voice, you laugh, your words
are embedded in my mind,
I can't get them out of my head.
The feeling of your soft hair,
the feeling of my heart breaking
has not been forgotten.
I've gotten rid of my foolish love
from my mind,
but my heart isn't ready to let go.
The poison still hangs dangerously
around my heart,
so disturbingly close
that it's seeping in.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Imperfect words with perfect love cannot
contend nor hope to love's sweet touch
convey. Among such uninspired a lot
as they, this joy sublime reads not as such.
Still faith I ask of you that all
I write rings truer in my heart than on
my page. Such joy I know from love's great fall
that each new day be life's unending dawn.
No word of him has passed my lips nor 'scaped
my pen nor shall it now, for word of him
would be but words and air. He shall be traiped
not so through rhyme despite my love - the lure.
I pause, so little can contend a scarcity
of words with his and love's infinity.
Happy Tenth Mothsary, Hun!
What we have might not be the ideal from the start, but each day I believe that we are both growing and building our castle of love.
I love you much!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Pages upon pages
I have traversed time
Three days pass
And no memories remain
The synapses are slower than before
And I have no concept of what occurs
Yet three days later the synapses return
Flashing faster than I ever thought possible
I am talking without thinking
This is unfiltered truth
Spilling my guts to strangers
Not caring if I'm ignored
I am acting independently
But I am still running in circles
Breathe, consume, procreate
A three step program to happiness
Breathe, consume, procreate
A three step program to life
Breathe, consume, procreate
A three step program to destruction
I have lost the knowledge that makes me human
I am a caged animal
On display in the zoo
I am entertainment
I am here to show you what your greatest fear is
You are all afraid of me
Nay, you are all afraid that you are the same as me
That is why you never take your eyes off me
You stare at me
You are all afraid that we are all animals
Breathe, consume, procreate
Is that not why we are here?
Take one factor out of the equation and we are wiped off the face of the Earth
All of this talk that creative thought makes us special
We have never contemplated
That "they" have it too
That there is no difference
Besides our outward appearance
This is fear
I am afraid
Yet I find solace in the fact that you are all the same as me
Nothing will be the same again
Monday, September 13, 2010
A few weeks ago I was working on one of my old photographs and I was trying some new stuff. I had just seen an amazing black and white gallery and was trying to add some duotone to my portraits to add even more drama (since my photos don’t have enough drama as it is). Anyway, I spent hours reworking this photo and trying to get something new and different. And I did! Or at least so I thought. I posted the photo up on my multiply hoping to see what others thought and hopefully add something new to my workflow. Well before long, I got a comment that said something like “This is an amazing photo! This looks exactly like a (name withheld) photo.” To most, I think they would take this as a huge compliment but to me it was just a huge disappointment.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure by now you all know how much I love his works work and how he’s been a huge inspiration in my photography. But, that doesn’t mean I want to create photos just like him. I want to use the tools I see in his works, combine them with a bunch of other tools and finally finish it off with my own creativity and personality. No matter what you say, there is no way that another like him and I are the same and therefore it’s fine for me to want to create images just like him. I think this should be a lesson for everybody. There is no point to want to be the next Ash Castro or MJ Cachero. There is simply no room for another ash castro, ian felix alquiros or another MJ cachero. But, there is room for a (insert your name here)”.
The industry may be completely over-saturated with photographers (how many times have you heard that before?) but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for one more person who creatively approaches the photography world with a fresh new outlook. The challenge is trying to be independent and different than everyone else but stay true to yourself. I think it’s a challenge that all creatives face but it’s just something that you have to work through.
Last week, I was talking to a friend about refining your creativity and really becoming a master of your photograph. Everybody has their own style. Some like wide angle lenses, some telephoto, some black and white and some super saturated with color. No matter what, you have your style (you just may not know it). The truly amazing thing is when you take a photo and do certain specific things in an image for a purpose. This is where your creativity really becomes a killer asset.
Step one is really knowing that you have to break your subject down into parts.
Step two is making those actions completely deliberate. Each part of our subject has to be lit in a way that caters to your creativity and thus go together in one cohesive piece in the end. This all goes back to the idea of not just shooting a photo to shoot a photo but shooting a photo and having a reason for it. It’s all about your vision and your creativity.
So, I encourage all of you to not try to be like any other photographer but to be true to yourself and your creativity. Yes, it’s completely fine to take inspiration from other photographers but that doesn’t mean you copy their images down I combined what I learned at the workshop with my workflow that I was already using in hopes of creating something different. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’ve refined my “look” yet but I’m not sure if we ever do. It’s all about having the most tools possible and being able to call on them when you need them. But, the most important tool that you have is your creativity. So use it! Don’t be a slave to your camera or computer and don’t do something because your camera or computer says it’s good. Be deliberate with your actions! Make sure there is a purpose for each decision you make as a creative.
I feel that everything we do is a compilation of everything that we have learned. This blog post in fact is a composite of prior knowledge, we use the same past knowledge and current experiences to contribute to are artwork. I hope this challenges you to find your own vision and avoid trying to be like someone else. There’s only one you in this world for a reason. Make sure you never forget that!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
your life, your stories
An Openphotoshoot project
that is ALL About you!
Shoot Date : September 18, 2010
Location : ATRIUM HOTEL
text your name, email to
0917 971 3253
WHAT TO BRING
Bring T the most significant things
in your life and wear your favorite ensemble
and strike a pose!
REGISTRATION FEE | 999.00
four (4) high resolution photos
hair and make up
PRE REGISTERED PARTICIPANTS FREEBIES
get a hardcopy of your best shot
Pay the PRE REGISTRATION
PAYMENT OF PHP 500.00 thru BDO 290 219 019 (glenn peralta)
for more details
please contact 0917 971 3253
Softer, harder, rhymically, faster, slower,
Deep into the knots that represent
My inability to sit up straight.
The oil smells faintly of fields
But it feels good against my tired muscles.
The soft music drifts to my ears
Relaxing the thoughts of work and play
To a dull buzz in the background.
The blankness is what I long for
During sleep, when I only get nightmares
And confusing dreams of the future.
Too soon, you are finished,
And I must return to the harshness,
The realities of life.
So there we were, the eucalyptic air caressess and calm our senses and for more than two hours we had the more soothing experience.
Thank you so much, hon. I love you.
Well Ill tell more about glenn soon. Its a love story worth every detail.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Just take it one story at a time.
It's really not so hard.
Everyone passes by so casually; barely even noticing your mangled body laying there. You almost want to laugh but your jaw is lying on the pavement beside you, which makes it a little difficult.
"Take the fall, it's worth the risk."
Just be thankful that you can't see yourself like this. The system is suspended in limbo, the power is on but there's no response. And all that's left is to shut it down and move on.
Khalel, be strong. Be very Strong.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
- ayn rand
Friday, May 29, 2009
this outburst of emotions,
this uncontrolable surge of pain,
words seemed to be far away,
and im left here, silenced.
this feeling that wont subdue,
id really hate you if this is untrue.
you stare at me like im the only one.
we both know im not.
but why such pretention?
why such love?
is this cowardice we both manifest?
or is it only i that make matters worse?
you've got someone else beside you.
i've got no one.
love fills me when you speak.
but dried tears well up when the two of you meet.
my jealousy is void,
for you and i, there has never been US.
May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
is there such a form?
Forlorn; torn between a sole journey
and the sojourn of the soul.
The final visionary,
overtaken by solemn undertakings
as serene reality, overshadowed by unreal premise
trickles down, abandoned by discontented minds.
Silenced murmurs echo unchecked,
obscured among lost footsteps of dissident spirits.
Lighten prospects through unenlightenment;
Quench the thirst for reality with tears of confusion.
Shaded nuance and veiled subtlety;
forsaken graces of humanity
when fear of individuality
i forgotten how sweet the black tears taste.
rekindling the dying light, beckons: I am home.
Insanity triggers my conscience.
Your soul is captured by the light
And the dreams of faceless horror.
I shed your lies and let you bleed,
Leaving you scars that remorselessly refuse to heal.
But where has my heart gone you may wonder,
Inside a villain, a rapist, and a ruthless assassin.
The blade is a trigger,
Once pulled or released.
There is no return,
And the life fully diminishes.
My non-virgin hands of the brutal murder,
Soaked in your blood,
Leads me to the vehement fear
As the darkness chooses to fade away.
Your lifeless body lies in my arms of guilt,
And my tears of joy wash your blood away.
You'll wake to see the world on fire,
And the fire releases upon the heavens.
-khalel zantillan 2009
sigh. letting black tears fall once more.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Of journeys past and about to embark
Hands and feet are slowly failing
Soundless silence, an end to ailing
Outstretched arms, a delicate finger
A touch of life, no need to linger
Each broken leg lay eerily still
All is quiet, no time to kill
Sanguine blood staining the floor
An open gate, an open door
A face filled with jeweled tears
A thousand shards of broken mirrors
The heartbeats begin to fade
For that is the reason why he stayed
Just another poem to save my life.
I dont often reveal my vulnerable spot simply because I hate it when people see me as weak.
But then again, in each death... I will Live.
Ive said Thanks and expressed my love to those people are dearly close to me and my heart tonight. I hope you guys can do the same thing. Sometimes we get so busy and neglect to say this simple words.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
The evolution of photography has entered a very interesting era: the digital age. In 2004, Kodak announced that it was selling off the remainder of its film stock and no longer designing film cameras. In the new-age of photography, where the “fast-food” concept has intervened, people are taking a new approach and using new techniques to create their images.
To many, the rise of the digital camera has perverted the art of photography, and to many others, the digital age has made their lives much better. In this respect, the purists seemed to be outnumbered by the photographers who rely on speed and accuracy in the business of the art. Ask any photojournalist if she uses film (aside from portraitures) on an assignment and she will laugh in your face. Editors need images NOW, especially since so many readers of newspapers are relying heavily on the Internet newspapers for information – info and images that need to be updated in “real time”.
But not all is lost – film is still widely used among professionals in portraiture, landscape and other disciplines. It is well-known that National Geographic photographers – arguably the best in the world for any publication – use film on all assignments. In short, there are many who feel that the quality of film is unmatched. And thus the great debate: should the quality of film be sacrificed for the speed of digital images? The argument will continue.
The digital age has not only changed the speed at which an image can be processed, but also, 1) how an image is processed, and 2) how photographers actually work. The first instance is quite noticeable: Dark-room techniques are now available in a variety of photo-manipulation software programs (ie, Photoshop). Today, color images can be turned black and white, they can be flipped, cut, bent and superimposed on one-another in just minutes. Again, speed and financial savings are the attractive lure of such software.
The second instance deals more with habit than anything else. Where photographers used to have to measure light and balance aperture, shutter speed, etc. well before a shoot (or be so talented and experienced to balance it at first sight), today, photographers can weigh the measurements by taking a shot, looking at the back of their cameras, adjusting accordingly, and re-shooting the image. In some ways, the digital age is perfect for the lazy photographer, or at least the one who has little time for metering, test slides, triple checking, etc. Again, speed and efficiency rule in this new-era of photography.
With all this said, it is still important for good photographers to know and understand film, if not for image quality, then for the benefit of the photographer’s shooting habits. Using film – especially for beginners - will help teach how to control aperture, shutter speed, composition and light. As the digital age continues to evolve, the future of photography will also change. Whether it is for better or worse is the argument – one where an answer remains to be seen.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Ang Hangin bumubulong ng iyong pangalan
Taglay pa rin niya ang Hilakbot at Lamig
Kaluluwa sa Kaluluwa hahagkan ang isat isa.
Pusakal na nga ang panahon
Sa pag iimbot ng kadalisayan
Sa pusong nanunuyo sa kasukdulan
Oo, ikaw nga... ikaw nga.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Can you scream so loud that you feel as though your heart will break and yet make no sound at all?
Can you be so trapped within yourself that you see no way out?
How can it be possible to need someone so badly but want every one to stay away even more?
How can you exist in a moment but have no emotions attached?
How can you be in so much pain that you are no longer able to feel?
The overwhelming sense that one more moment of anything that amounts to more than nothing will be more than too much?
Trying to make sense of it all.
Asking questions, trying to understand, trying to be more than the moment but being so buried in it that it suffocates.
Trying to try.
Holding on to the belief in self.
The endless fighting to prove that the lies are the lies and the truth is the truth and someone else's eyes create the muddle and confusion.
The want to believe that things are as they should be, that all the numbers add up.
Denial that projected images are wrong, it has to fit the hole, as long as the square peg fits in the round hole it doesn't matter how it gets there.
Fighting for the truth, but no one wants to rock the boat, no one wants to be wrong, no one will ever be the hero.
The princess will remain locked on the tower and the dragon will sleep peacefully at the door and the knights will sleep peacefully in their beds knowing that no one will think they may be wrong.
Need to fly, need to sleep, need to dream.
They say that time heals all, but why does it take so long?
Pain takes pain, it gives it a moments release but then it goes and all remains as it was.
Sometimes anger takes over pain but then it goes.
Sometimes there is a moment when if only someone would be there it would all go away, but then it goes.
Can anything ever be normal?
Can anything ever be like everything else?
Control and power, power and control.
Need to claw back some need to have something that no one can take away, that no one can have for themselves.
How can emotion be so huge?
How can pain be do clear but no one knows?
Or that no one cares?
Wrapped up in their bubble, don't want anything to spoil it, don't want to share priority, it's all priority and priority doesn't count.
Invisibility has it's own protection but yet there are some things that have to be seen.
Existence is away from reality, a comfort in the imagination.
But only for a little while.
For a little while the imagination can give release.
Is it fear? Running so fast and so hard, running in sleep and running awake always running always trying to sever the invisible ties that bind to the existence of the matter of fact.
Can trust be established?
Can blame be apportioned?
Can freedom be found in forgiveness?
Can there be a key?
Can the thoughts, the memories be pushed so far back that they are less than a haze?
Can they fly back at a moments notice and hit so hard and so fast that they make it hard to breath?
Can half a memory be worse than a whole one because the imagination fills in the blanks?
Can the blanks be so damaging that they are better left alone?
Can guilt be part of doing no wrong?
Can the endless questions be the inner whirlpool that keeps binding the path to moving on?
If freedom comes with time then seconds become minutes, minutes become hours and hours become days and so on.
The time doesn't become forever there are trips and falls along the way but time longer moves on.