Friday, March 30, 2007


Twelve days and not a sound. The anger grows; hatred festers and screams inside me for release while I fight for control. Every sound is a blow, every thought a kick in the face, and every particle of light an explosion of pain. In darkness, in silence, in constant meditation I keep myself numb, sheltered; imprisoned.

The light of a street lamp, or a cars headlights, flickers in the room for an instant as the wind enters the open window and pulls the curtain aside just enough to catch a quick glimpse of the pair of tiny brown eyes, a miniature reflection of my own, and I wonder how it is that I could love someone so deeply that never even existed. But just as quickly as I caught the reflection of light the curtain returned and I was again alone. Loneliness has its pain, but this is where I prefer to be right now. At least until I can take a grasp of control over my hatred.

Numb the senses and dilute the thoughts, what you get is a zombie, motionless, feeling less, and lifeless; a freedom of our self-enslavement. No I cant tell you how I feel because I dont. I cant tell you what Im thinking because Im not. Happiness, fear, hope, and anger have been erased. However no matter how hard I try I cant seem to erase hatred or love, for these are essences of life. Without one or the other we lose what it is that makes us human. And after all of my experiences I have chosen hate over love.



--Sweet refractor I'm indebted to youFor your need in choosing me to be the one to subdueI've so much to think of when a push comes to shoveBut you've shown me that it's easier to hate then love.--


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