Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Pilgrimage of A Dreamer

I feel so damn tired lately.
I just found myself in a rippled state of depression over something I didnt know. Maybe that explains constant posting here in my blog. For those people who knew me, I am a more efficient writer when I am depre

ssed. I really dont know why but somehow depression is extracting most of creative jouice when I am sad or scared about something.

For almost a week now, I havent got a decent sleep and in these past few days I seem to wake up often times in
a most distressful side of my death bed. I kept on getting these bad dreams in my middle of the night and found myself in tears in the morning.
I am scared really, there is something bothering me, yet i really dont exactly know what.

Yesterday I was lamenting over my unfilled dreams and my role in the lives of people around me. Somehow it made me more sad to know that time is ticking away, I am being eaten by nights and days, i am frighthen really by the thoughts that the bell of life will rang without me completing the those dreams i long for.

Excuse me for being cynical today, i just feel empty and sad. I really hate it when I am like this, I hate being bothered by my own personal distressed. There are just too many people holding on me for strength and courage and being so weak is simple a time a i cant afford to do. It has been a role I took upon for my mom and sister and for those other people i call friend. I SIMPLY HATE WHEN I AM SO WEAK.

I know I can resolved this thing that is bothering me soon. I had before and I will again. It is just that for now, just for this little moment, I am KHALEL, a boi who is just afraid of tomorrow. I just dont wanna die without even knowing how to live.

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