I Have A Confession

"Hear me, out"

when it comes to meeting guys, i can be a real wimp. This is contrary to a notion that I am flirt. (Well, I can I think I can be one, If I choose to) But it is just that, between me, jed and marco, I am always the one that have someone with me and more often than not, that someone is a guy I am committed with. (Dont know why, dont ask!). But seriously, amongst us three, I am really the shy type! (hahaha, gurls dont argue with me! Tis' my blog! lolz)

"i am really the shy type you know."

when i see an attractive spunk at a bar, in a shop or on the street, it takes such a long time for me to work up the courage to say hello and introduce myself that by the time i'm actually ready to do so, the guy is usually gone. if not, then i often lose the nerve at the very last moment and find myself scurrying the other way.

i realise that i'm not the only person to suffer from this, as i'm sure many of you have also experienced the same thing. the most common - and simplest - reason to explain the affliction is a case of "shyness" or a "lack of confidence". those who have a penchant for psycho-analysing will be inclined to say that it's due to a "fear of rejection".

while those are very good reasons, i believe that the problem can also be explained by another: our "perception of self-worth."

when meeting someone new, we immediately make assumptions and theories based upon our initial reaction from that person - the important first impression - and we compare these with our own self-values. if the stranger is someone quite attractive, we often tend to form an elevated picture of their personality. we raise them above our own level as an ideal to pursue. sometimes, we may exaggerate this to the extent that the person becomes quite intimidating. intimidating because we then end up believing that we won't meet their standards or their ideal. therefore, we pass up the opportunity of meeting and choose not to do anything in order to not make a fool of ourselves.

i've realised that this is exactly what i've been doing. i build up these gorgeous strangers in my head so much that they become daunting to speak with and i end up not talking to them at all. despite the fact that i consider myself to be quite confident and have a good understanding of my capabilities, i still thought that i wasn't worthy of their attention.

yes, apart from being a dirty, evil boi, i can be a headcase also.

so, imagine my surprise when a gay friend of mine - a great, funny and charming guy - admitted one day that he had initially found me quite scary to approach. he thought that apart from being too polished and cool, that i was also quite aloof.

me? simple, cute, modest, li'l me?!? i was stunned - and a little flattered - that he would think of me as such. he thought that he was someone that i wouldn't even consider speaking to. which leads me to ask, are we really all just a bunch of self-concious narcissists with an inferiority complex?

it would explain why i remembered him being so cautious in the way he responded when we struck up a conversation. i wasn't interested in him romantically, so i didn't hesitate on approaching him to say hello. looking back, it seems that he was in me though.

well, we never did get together but things worked out much better between us. we are now good friends - equals. and that would only be because one of us decided to break the ice in spite of each other's perception and self-image.

so the moral of this tale? don't get ahead of yourself. reality can be much kinder than how you perceive it. more importantly, bite the bullet and just go for it - take the risk and say hello. you never know where things will lead. and if you do end up making a fool of yourself, who cares?! you're not likely to ever meet the other person again, are you?

but all the same, just remember to be nice when someone else does exactly the same thing to you.