Thursday, October 26, 2006

follow the leader

The future has always been a blur for me. I've never been one to plan ahead. Situations that require a decision have always been avoided at all costs, and if one needed to be made it was procrastinated to the very last possible second. I don't really believe in tomorrow.

Nobody really expected much from me. I'm a bit disappointed that I haven't let them down. We all dream that we will become something someday. The few that do are like a child given a bag of candy, they don't truly saver each piece, and they act as though they've always had it. However those who realize that their dreams will never come true are shaken by a defeat that drives them into the ground in a lifelong struggle of regret and depression. And the rest of us trudge on in a constant pursuit of unattainable dreams planted into our childhood, until we die poor, disgraced, unproductive, and underachieved.

I'm standing at a fork in the road and I don't know which way to go. I don't know where I'm going, and the sign at the fork offers no help as each name doesn't mean any more to me then the next. I've put off the decision as long as possible, but I'm out of time. Each path appears to hold a longed for dream. But maybe they all just circle back around and I'm just chasing my tail trying to find a meaning to a universe that the mind simply cannot fathom. Or maybe I should just stop whining, get back in line, and join everyone else in their self-destructive game of follow-the-leader.

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