Friday, November 17, 2006

I always come up Empty

There are so many people I'm trying to be. So many titles I'm trying to earn.

A writer,

an artist,

a musician,






I seek attention, and as much as I deny it, I seek praise. When you're told throughout your childhood that you're slow, stupid, ugly, a failure, an outcast, a freak, a waste, you either give in and admit defeat, or you do everything you can to prove those titles wrong.

Sitting in an overwhelming pile of impossible deadlines, projects, expectations, and trying to excel at everything, the stress builds up. The dizzy spells, the loss of appetite, insomnia, stomach pain, headaches, loss of energy; all I can do is work, but I cant even focus on that.

I'm trying so hard to be everything that I've always dreamed, to be everything that everybody said I would never be. Trying to be happy, inspirational, successful.

I'm trying so hard to live a dream that I can't seem to wake myself up to realize that I am none of what I'm trying so hard to be.

I'm trying so hard to excel at everything that I excel at nothing.

No matter what I try to do I will always come up empty.


akihisa said...

Some peeps are born with it, while others have to work hard at it. Some of the things you strive for, it is the same with me too. I know I have to work really HARD to achieve those things.

You just have to believe you can do it. When you believe, no one can take that away from you. At least, that's how I feel! :)

heartbreaker said...

you'll only come up empty if u stop tryin babe, don't give up... it IS coming :)

khalel said...

yeah, I know. Thanks you guys! mwuah!

joy-joy said...

start by being yourself... that will be a good start...