Thursday, October 04, 2007

Unhappily Ever After

I'm carving away the calluses so that I can feel again, here in my world of illusions where I fool myself into believing that what I feel is real. And there you are amidst all the chaos, more then anything I could ever believe; too beautiful to be real, too imaginative to be true; too true to be mine. And when I woke up and saw your face this morning when I opened my eyes, I spent fifteen minutes figuring out if it's just another false awakening, or if you were really there. Finally I realize that it was true; and that I was going to be late for work if I didn't get moving. I climbed out of bed and got dressed. I looked back at you still sleeping as I smoked my morning's cigarette and wore a small smile; a wish come true and yet I'm still not happy. I walk out the door wondering what in the hell is wrong with me.

I sit here at work fidgeting with my rubics cube, not even trying to make an effort to pay attention to the client on the phone. And I find myself drowning in my most shallow thoughts and slowly drift off into unrememberable daydreams. And I wonder what you're doing right now, if you're still in a dream of the life that I stole you away from; or if you've woken up to a moment's startle as you try to recall where you are, and then burry your head in my pillow as you realize that you're still here, so far from home, too close to me; and there's no way to turn back.

I guess it's too late now to take back our wishes; dreaming of the days we lived before we had made this choice, shedding a tear for each day we want to return to; holding each other out of fear and loneliness rather then affection. We both lie awake in the purplish glow radiating from my computer box, pretending to be asleep. We hold our breath for as long as possible so we can at least appreciate the air we breathe, and being alive somehow. We wish upon my glowing stars on my ceiling for our happily-ever-after; and pray silently that we would disappear. I'm going to disappear.

3 comments:

dazedblu* said...

Hmmm this is really an entity of what i used to be but it doesnt make sense with all yew stated here, just a few one.

Hope i wouldn't always thought that it'll be an unhappily ever after to me.

again this is another great thought sfrom yew! always love to read :) Oh sorry if visited this blogger but too long becasue i'm fervently busy with skewl.

khalel said...

No sweat man! Thanks for droppin! Cheers!

cant_u_read said...

khalel, i need to ask your permission to use this material in one of my "artstic explorations". what's your email address?