Monday, January 12, 2009

Dead Again

Can you really sit in a tunnel of noise and yet hear only silence?
Can you scream so loud that you feel as though your heart will break and yet make no sound at all?
Can you be so trapped within yourself that you see no way out?

How can it be possible to need someone so badly but want every one to stay away even more?
How can you exist in a moment but have no emotions attached?
How can you be in so much pain that you are no longer able to feel?

The overwhelming sense that one more moment of anything that amounts to more than nothing will be more than too much?
Trying to make sense of it all.
Asking questions, trying to understand, trying to be more than the moment but being so buried in it that it suffocates.
Trying to try.

Holding on to the belief in self.
The endless fighting to prove that the lies are the lies and the truth is the truth and someone else's eyes create the muddle and confusion.
The want to believe that things are as they should be, that all the numbers add up.
Denial that projected images are wrong, it has to fit the hole, as long as the square peg fits in the round hole it doesn't matter how it gets there.
Fighting for the truth, but no one wants to rock the boat, no one wants to be wrong, no one will ever be the hero.
The princess will remain locked on the tower and the dragon will sleep peacefully at the door and the knights will sleep peacefully in their beds knowing that no one will think they may be wrong.

Need to fly, need to sleep, need to dream.

They say that time heals all, but why does it take so long?

Pain takes pain, it gives it a moments release but then it goes and all remains as it was.
Sometimes anger takes over pain but then it goes.
Sometimes there is a moment when if only someone would be there it would all go away, but then it goes.
Can anything ever be normal?
Can anything ever be like everything else?

Control and power, power and control.
Need to claw back some need to have something that no one can take away, that no one can have for themselves.
How can emotion be so huge?
How can pain be do clear but no one knows?
Or that no one cares?
Wrapped up in their bubble, don't want anything to spoil it, don't want to share priority, it's all priority and priority doesn't count.
Invisibility has it's own protection but yet there are some things that have to be seen.

Existence is away from reality, a comfort in the imagination.
But only for a little while.
For a little while the imagination can give release.

Is it fear? Running so fast and so hard, running in sleep and running awake always running always trying to sever the invisible ties that bind to the existence of the matter of fact.

Can trust be established?
Can blame be apportioned?
Can freedom be found in forgiveness?
Can there be a key?
Can the thoughts, the memories be pushed so far back that they are less than a haze?
Can they fly back at a moments notice and hit so hard and so fast that they make it hard to breath?
Can half a memory be worse than a whole one because the imagination fills in the blanks?
Can the blanks be so damaging that they are better left alone?
Can guilt be part of doing no wrong?
Can the endless questions be the inner whirlpool that keeps binding the path to moving on?

If freedom comes with time then seconds become minutes, minutes become hours and hours become days and so on.
The time doesn't become forever there are trips and falls along the way but time longer moves on.


Lionheart said...

Musta na? Tagal mong nawala.....

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Mac Callister said...

nice blog and senti mode a hehe

Yffar (^^,) said...

hi kapatid...

paadd naman po sa blog roll

salamat ng marami

pafollow na rin ng blog... na follow ko na iyo...


Yffar (^^,) said...


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