The Fairytale

I hang up the phone ushering another month of silence. Still seething I walk to the kitchen to pour out another drink. The near empty bottle screams accusations of alcoholism on ears too numb to notice. All the same, I can barely feel the words you said anymore, and a couple more drinks will ensure that they're all but forgotten.

So this is where we've come after all these years. Promises buried in a past that neither of us remember much of anymore. Everything was so much simpler then, you were so much closer, promises were easier to make, and tomorrow stayed far enough away to secure a hope that could have lasted forever.

And love was more than just a pacifier.

I stumbled my way up the stairs and to the bathroom. In the faint glow of the night-light I faced the mirror once more, staring into the pair of eyes so empty. And I wondered if you see the same thing that I saw. Do you see the scars embedded into the cold and uncaring face? Do you see the brow creased in intense hatred? Do you see the fears hidden behind a mask of apathy? Am I as ugly to you?

Still, despite all your adorations, why do I feel nothing but resentment? We assure each other that things will work out, that we'll give it another go once a better time comes around. You hang on to me even as you push me away. Don't tell me that you love me as you run as far from me as you can get. Don't tell me that you'll be back, even as you waste another night in the bed of someone else. You think I'm still going to be here to put you back together when you fall apart. You think that the more bruised, beat up, and thrown aside you become, the more I will be able to heal you; that your prince charming will always be nearby to rescue you if things get too bad. But you will find no happily-ever-after here, and I'm sick of being your fucking fairytale.

_________

really feeling so down. Argh!

DeathWish

Taint my virgin lips

In a bed of blue roses

Bathing in a pool of summer

Misfortune brought upon to whoever opposes

Affections considered taboo

Must remain hidden

Those who see through this act

Deem this love forbidden

Perhaps it is merely a fling

A lustful fit of passion

Or maybe the heart has grown fond

With equal exchanges of compassion

For what reason shall these two

Young lovers be to blame?

We all must be held in someone’s arms

Experience the feeling of thy heart aflame

If thou disapprove, turn away

Do not speak words of chagrin

For these two lovers know well enough

That their love is sugar-coated with sin

What is hiding under the veil?

Shadows intimately posed

Lost in their own dream world

Their secret waiting to be exposed

Heal my jaded lips

In a tomb of black roses

Drowning in a pool of winter

Death to the one who opposes

_________

Sa Eskinita

...A few moments passed. The boy’s back was lightly scratched by the coarse brick, and his body grazed with sweat. He cringed feeling that enveloping heat that poured over him each time the man’s tongue passed over his sac. I can’t take anymore of this, the boy thought, frantically. He gasped, and cried out, his fingertips becoming red from the pressure against the wall. This is it!

The man directed his sight up, towards the boy’s face. The boy’s expression was so enticing, the man couldn’t help but grin once more. The boy was the image of innocents lost. His face was red, his eyes clenched shut, his mouth agape sending out strange and arousing sounds of pleasure. He came, loudly, as the man traced his tongue up his swollen shaft once again.

A long, thick stream of milky white erupted from the boy’s long taunted erection. He cried out, his body convulsing as his orgasm swarmed him. The man, quickly brought a hand to the boy’s pulsing appendage, and pumped his hands, in an attempt to all of the boy’s seed out. This only made the boy squirm and cry more, as his now sensitive and delicate member was being handled so blatantly.

The white cream went all over the ally-floor, and the man’s shoulder. He pouted, though barely noticeable. He took his shirt off, and set it on the ground, then stood up. The man was about six-foot, much taller than the boy. The kid couldn’t look him in the eye, and threw his head to the side, gasping and panting as he did (his orgasm was much stronger than he’d thought). His legs were shaky, and his body so frail. Why cant this all just go away, he demanded in his head.

A strong hand gripped the boy’s dimpled chin, and forced it to look center. The boy’s eyes were narrowed, filled with childish forlorn anger. As menacing as Satan himself, the man grinned. “The fun’s only just begun.” He said. The boy could see the man’s eyes now. They were a dark, hazy green which set off his dark five-o’clock shadow and his long brown hair.

The boy cringed, as he felt the man’s hand grip his chin a bit harder. The boy brought his hands up again, and tried to force the man back. Again, to no avail. The harder he pressed, the more evil the man seemed. The boy’s hands wandered up and around the man’s body, trying to find a weak point...there were none. Only ripped, bulging muscles were found. The boy was a tad aroused by the feel of it. His face fell docile, and quizzical. But, he then quickly remembered that this person had just defiled him in such an unspeakable way.

He threw his head to the other side, bringing his hands to his meek chest, and his head flooded with hate again. The man chuckled...he’d noticed the boy’s intrigue in his body, and now wouldn’t accept “no” as answer. He quickly grabbed the boy’s undone pants, and drew them all the way down, briefs and all. The boy was caught off guard, and gasped. The man turned him around, and forced him up against the wall. The boy had to struggle to get his hands in front of him, in order to stop his face from being too badly cut by the rough, unforgiving brick.

The boy groaned with anger again, grunting, now tears flowing to his eyes again as his phallic, still very tender, tapped the cold rigid brick. The grinned, as he slipped his index finger into his mouth. As he lubricated it, he let out a moan...a hot, long, deviant moan. The boy blushed, his tears still slowly flowing. The man slipped the digit out of his mouth. He quickly brought down to the boy’s other entry.

He teased the outer ring of muscle there, making the boy cry out in pain and pleasure. “No....please.” he whispered. The man just grinned again. After a moment more of teasing, the man slowly slid his finger into him. Deeper and deeper. The boy let out a long, light moan, and gasped. The boy’s body arched into the man’s finger, unconsciously wanting him to go in deeper. The man could feel his erection growing, wanting to “slay” an innocent thing.

I will never be your Woman

we are eggs,
we are harvesting and creation and devastation,
bodies and images, and TV and super stars,
hot soup and kitchens,
whore life,
wife life,
mother life and baby life.
Was i asking too much to create?
to become part of you,
to become part of me?
Won't you hold me and tell me it's ok, "father" means nothing,
we don't need it, and won't need it, won't you tell me.
Don't look down and tell me i don't mean a thing,
don't look down, hold on to me and tell me that biology is just science and religion .
Tell me i am beautiful, that my children will be poets and intellects,
that seeds are just empty space that we let slip from our hands into the wind.

I want to be your island,
i want to be your summer,
i want to be your family,
i want to be your woman.

[there is a silence that sounds a lot like shame, but fills itself with a sigh on your part]

i wish i was your woman

[it is repeated with smaller impact, then you look back at me, your eyes are this shit crazy pale blue and look so set beneath your almost raven hair, you are crying, you are a coward]

you don't mean that

[says you, who knows nothing about meaning, you are fake.]

walk away,
walk away,
have you no idea that sex is just ideas and expectation?
will you not be mine?
will you not give in to me because of the gender i wear on my head,
on my face,
in my bed, on my hand?
tell me that i am not everything,
tell me that i am not perfect,
tell me that i am not worth more to you then a smack in the face after sex.
you are a coward,
you are liar,
you are a two faced son of a bitch,
you are a man.
i am a man.
And i will never be your woman.

_________________

Allow me as well to take this oppurtunity to say thank to all those whom i would like to call blog friends - who dropped a line in my "Hiatus?" post. Sincerely, you guys have boost up my morale. You made me feel i am not alone in this. Thank you so much.

Hiatus?

"I am Evolving."

Well, I figured I should explain myself before I go on and on with my daily post.

It seems like I'm losing all my readers. I know I have the few rich and famous who always come by and comment and then I have a few who comment every now and then but it seems like I've lost them all and I'm not going to just go back out and get a bunch of readers by being active. Because I just don't care that much anymore. Plus, I don't produce as fast as I used to and I don't produce things that people relatively relate to. Most of this community relates to love, lust, and sorrow and I don't exactly want to produce that anymore as of the moment. I think we all know that I only produce on my own terms usually.

I think I'm becoming less of a writer and I don't know why. But, I will write something if I deem it necessary. I have something up my sleeve that I've had for a while and got really close to doing it but I didn't want to do it because it goes against the morally right in the majority of this democracy that we live in. But I'll post it, sometime. I actually have to write it first. You get what I'm trying to say.

If you don't know or didn't read the journal it basically says in short: I'm not going to be around as much and goes more into detail of why. One main reason is health, then weight, then work, then other offline shit.

Other than that, it's melancholic and humorous at times, I think. Melancholic merely i think i am an effective writer when i am depressed. Depression have often serve as a gasoline for my pen and/or my keyboard, or whatever. But, while I like my works to be melancholic and humorous at times I also like to bring reality and truth to them. I sometimes like to bring harsh and blunt truth.

Hiatus? NO. I am just evolving.

Our Right

I’m staring into your beautiful eyes,
As we sit away from the world,
What people say about us is only lies,
There’s nothing wrong with me and you.

Gently I press my lips up to yours,
Knowing we’ll never be treated the same,
But I won’t hide behind locked doors,
My love for you is completely pure.

I know you’re a boy, and I am too,
But if you were a girl it wouldn’t be better,
You know it’s true that I’m in love with you,
But we still aren’t treated like that’s so.

Hold me close and hold me tight,
We can’t marry or be treated fairly,
But please, let’s never give up the fight,
This moment is perfect and so wonderful.

But one day the world will see us for who we are,
And know that there’s nothing strange,
They’ll grant us marriage everywhere, near and far,
We’ll one day be considered the same.

Though as I wrap my arms around you,
I know we’re pure and more in love,
Than any other two ‘straight’ fools,
That’s all that matters between us.

Asian HeatWave: Biboy Ramirez

Name: Biboy Ramirez
Nickname: Biboy
Birthday: July 20, 1981
Birth Place: Medical City, Mandaluyong
Showbiz Anniversary: March 1996

favorites
Hobbies: Surfing the net, Photo/Video editing, Photo/Video shooting, Playing my Xbox and Ps2
Sports: Kickboxing, Wrestling, Grappling, Billards, and Darts
Pet/s: Bully (Pit bull)
Actors/Actresses
Local: Sharon Cuneta, Caridad Sanchez, Christopher De Leon, Aga Muhlach, Eddie Garcia
Foreign:Tom Hanks, Al Pacino, Will Smith, Liv Tyler, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Angelina Jolie, Nicholas Cage
Movie: I Am Sam, Cast Away, Saving Private Ryan, Scarface, Big, Forrest Gump, Gladiator, Independence Day, Con Air, Hitch Kita sa Langit, Bridal Shower
TV Show: Comedy Central Presents, Temptation Island, Who’s Line is It Anyway, Drew Carrey Show

Singers: Usher, Luther Van Dross, Brian McKnight, Craig David, Uncle Sam
Song: "Confessions," "One Last Cry," "No One Else Comes Close"
Book: Rich Dad, Poor Dad
Expression:Anak ng tinapay naman o!



personal
Adjective that best describes you: Shy
Fashion: Smart casual
Fashion icon: Will Smith
Most treasured item: My car and my cell phones
Pet Peeves: Yung mas mayabang sa akin
Fears: Ghosts
Unforgettable childhood memory: Went to the mall with only one shoe
Goals: To last in the business for decades
Role Model: Eddie Garcia



q & a
Why did you enter showbusiness?
I was discovered by my present manager (Joey Diego) at a mall. He asked me if I was interested to try showbusiness. It was the start of our summer vacation so I treated showbiz before as a summer job. But while waiting for classes work came and came and I can’t stop it. So I decided to continue my profession as long as I can and as long as the people want me.

What do you consider as the turning point in your career?
When GMA network gave me the show
Click and Kahit Kailan.

If you weren’t in showbiz, what kind of career would you have?
Running my own restaurant.

What do most people not know about you?
Alam na yata nilang lahat.

What do most people not know about you?
Alam na yata nilang lahat.

What is your most unforgetable moment/ experience?
Ay, siguro nung ako ay pinagtulung-tulungan ng mga iba't- ibang kasama sa pamamahayag na ikinasadlak ko sa kulungan.

What are you most proud of?
I'm proud to be myself, hindi ko man pinagyayabang, I know, sa sarili ko meron akong pakikibakang ginagawa sa buhay ko na pinipilit ko na mabuti ang manaig at hindi kasamaan.

What do you value most?
Pamilya ko, wala nang mas hahalaga pa dun.

What do you want to achieve?
Gusto ko matapos lahat ng aking project sa Muslim community yung eskwelahan, yung sementeryo, yung orphanage.

Maging sa Dapit Hapon

Its been awhile since i wrote up something in Filipino. Not that I dont appreciate the language, because and i am in love with the Beauty of The Filipno Language. I think it is romantic in every form. So here is something for all of my fellow filipino readers..

Sa gabi na walang tala.
Sa panahong mapanglaw.
Mga pusong di naawa.
Mga hinimok na pananalanta.
Sa bingit ng basag na salamin,
nabubulok nkahoy,
nalalantang bukid,
nagbabadyang alanganin,
kasiguraduhan ng hamak,
kaisahan,
kawalan ng nagmamahalan.
Sa kawalan ng sinagtala,
sikat ng araw,
at kung kailang dapit hapon
at takipsilim ang nangingibabaw.
Heto’t payabungin ang baga, ang liwanang ng kandila

Kailan Man Hindi ako Mawawala.

___________

Note:

Happy Weekend Guys, I am leaving you with this one and the Erotica, "The Officer" and of course, with another photo of me.

Stay Bleesed, Beautiful and Free!

The Officer

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

August Finalist

a dozen for this month's G* Spot Weblog Award

If you are a Finalist, you can copy and paste the code below to put in to your website/blogsite:



<a href="http://khalelian.blogspot.com"><img alt="The G* Spot Weblog Award Finalist" src="http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q264/thegspotaward/GFINALIST.jpg" /></a>

Out in the Open

I am a human
I am a mother
I am a father
I am a daughter
I am a son
I am a sister
I am a brother
I am a neighbor
I am a friend
I am a teacher
I am a librarian
I am a firefighter
I am an officer
I am a clerk
I am a writer
I am an artist
I am a doctor
I am a council member
I am a judge
I am a mayor
I am a town trustee
I am a broker
I am a customer representative
I am a governor
I am a telemarketer
I am a television celebrity
I am a religious person
I am straight
I am bisexual
I am transgendered
I am gay
I am lesbian
I am judged

Each of these are things a person can identify with in their own lives. some may not seem to have any connection to others and yet, they have a single similarity. Each one could be someone we see every day, perhaps someone we know and care about. We take an immediate glance at the one statement that we hope is not true of the people in our lives, dreading the possibility.

Doing so makes the final statement true. We begin imagining how this possibility will change relationships and the perceived betrayal of not knowing before. We already place doubts upon the one person who is most likely to fit the stereotype. We cast the thought aside, telling ourselves that we have only been paranoid about the idea of the possibility.

Yet we neglect to cast aside the doubt. It gnaws at the back of our minds, causes us to seek out our perceived truth. Our judgement has been cast until we find the proof that we are wrong.

There are but few who can read these statements without experiencing the paranoia, accepting each without doubt as they are read. These are the open-minded people from which to learn.

How open minded are we?

Take the statements that speak of who we are, pass it on to those we trust, and seek wisdom in truth.

Who am I?

I am a human
I am a son
I am a brother
I am a neighbor
I am a friend
I am a teacher
I am a clerk
I am a writer
I am a religious person
I am bisexual

and yes,

I am judged.

The July Winner

I must admit The G* Spot Weblog Award for this month has been the most close race ever but after 381 votes, one have emerged and bagged it.

The G* Spot Weblog for the Month of July 2007 is other than but THE QUEER RANT - the "pink- ist" blogger from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Here is the total tally:

The G* Spot Weblog Award: July 2007


Votes

Daniel 18% 69
Miong 21 6% 21
Queer Rant 20% 76
The Tripper 4% 17
The Pride Place 18% 69
The Tempest 5% 20
Gay Bytes 0% 1
El Fillibusterismo 8% 29
Jay Bio 16% 60
Guy Dads 5% 19

381 votes total
(for queer rant, daniel and the pride place please contact us thru thegspotaward@yahoo.com for your winner's button or leave a comment on this page where we can dropped it!)

To prove the close race, the first runner up position is tied between:

Daniel and his blog that came up as first place last month remains his position this month coming up as a runner up again together with Shaney and the Pride Place.

To the other blog, congratulations guys! It was a good race for everyone. You can keep the finalist button as you all proven worthy to be in the list for the G* Spot Weblog Award.

Cheers! Again, Congratulation to QUEER RANT!

with the July poll official closed, a new one is getting charge for another month long race. Tomorrow a new set of finalist will be annouced from the list of nomination.

Again, if there are blogs out there or maybe your own blog, you think have the right to be part of the The G* SPOT WEBLOG AWARD do send us an email thru thegspotaward@yahoo.com


For the Winner, Copy and Paste your respective Winner's Icon:


<a href="http://khalelian.blogspot.com"><img alt="Certified G* Spot Weblog of the Month" src="http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q264/thegspotaward/GJuly2007.jpg" /></a>



<a href="http://khalelian.blogspot.com"><img alt="Certified G* Spot Weblog of the Month First Runner Up" src="http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q264/thegspotaward/gJuly01P.jpg" /></a>


<a href="http://khalelian.blogspot.com"><img alt="Certified G* Spot Weblog of the Month First Runner Up" src="http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q264/thegspotaward/gJuly01d.jpg" /></a>