Deja Vu

It's becoming so hard to tell the difference between dreaming and being awake; another false awakening, another unconscious memory; existing in a state of perpetual deja vu. And it's so easy to believe your words, because in every whisper, I dream that what your saying is true. And I never understood why I always felt guilty when I was really happy; why I would sabotage great things in my life just to bring me back down. But now I'm realizing that it's just another defense mechanism; my subconscious warning me that if I feel this way there must be something wrong. And so now I'm fighting your words with the guilt that's welling up inside me, trying to shut out every word you say... trying to prolong this incipient madness.

The more I read what I write the more pathetic I become. Spilling out my insecurities for strangers to read, like a child screaming for attention. And I have run out of angles to view the same day, the same conversations; the same events that have played over and over for the last year. And I've become so claustrophobic in my tiny world of empty glances, absent minded production, and medicated sleep. I’m sick of hiding behind my computer, and yet I’m too much of a fucking pussy to stop hiding. The spells of dizziness and confusion are getting worse; and I think I'm beginning to hear the angel dying as I begin to see my real age showing on my face.

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Note:

Allow me to take this time to apologize to the people who have been victim of inconvenience because of my absence in blogdom especially with respect to the G* Spot Weblog Award. I was detained by work, family, personal matter and some offline shits! In relation to the September race, conferring with the group and c0gnizant of the "two" winners of the August Race - Shaney and Daniel. We are giving Shaney the August Spot and Daniel being the honorary winner of the said award will be getting the September G* Spot. (The Button will be emailed to you guys, sorry for the trouble) The G* Spot Weblog Award will resume on October. The List are getting long really.

Lastly, I really miss writing. So I hope this post will mark the end of my slumber.

To All those faithful readers - comrades and critics alike. Thank you so much.