Touch Me

"Hold me... Touch Me.."

“Do you want this?” I whisper softly… Why are the tears beginning to flow? Your eyes are so warm, so caring…the only part of you that isn’t frozen. The only part of you that I can see, that I can feel…All this time, you were this fortress, this cold stone; a wall that could never be breached. But the moment I left you defeated by your defenses, you tear down your wall and reveal yourself.


How could this be? Are you truly here? Have you really shown all of yourself to me? I’m wondering why, I’m wondering how this could happen only when you see me in pain, lower than you, tired of begging for you, completely spent… Is it pity? Do you feel safe that I truly am no threat? Or is it something else? Whatever the case I will try, I will try to let you in, take all that I can have of you for whatever reason…but i'm tired.


You reach out to me, you reach out to me this time…I take your hands into my own, I take your eyes into my own…


“I don’t want you to cry, not for me...” so sweetly your lips move, so warm are your eyes… But the tears are still falling. Your fingers reach up and trace my lips softly, we are in sadness together. You take in a short gasp, and I see your eyes begin to grow with love, the tears falling down for me.


Never would I have imagined such a sight, this must be real, you must be real.
Suddenly you kiss me, so deeply I am awakened from my shadows. I swoon into you and let it take over. Our bodies are so cold ,so harsh. Can we really warm each other?


I feel you groan for more, reaching once more for me, for me. Your breath is on my skin, the ice melting away swiftly. Your spirit creeping up my neck breathing me in more intensely than ever before, “ I do, I do need you…” you cry softly.The purest of saints could not have said something sweeter.

Your lips are my verification, your eyes, my escape. Now make it hurt.

Maging sa Dapit Hapon (The Traslation)

When I posted "Maging sa Dapit Hapon" Paul of Bedtime Stories have requested for a translation. I did promised the guy that ill try to come up with one... Admittedly, I forgotten about it not until a recent reader of this blog tries to translate "Maging sa Dapit Hapon".

Impressive really and I really appreciate the effort especially when the guy wrtten his second stab of the translation to revise the first one he made. So to Paul and to Jimg29, allow me:

In the starless nights,

Unhappy times,

Unforgiving Hearts

of those persuaded by exhaustion

on verge of shattered glasses

decomposing woods,

impending uncertainty,

perfection of insufficiency,

oneness,

In the absence of love

when guiding lights are unfound,

when twilight blaze the dusking sky

set the dying light ablaze

litburn the candle..

I will remain... I will Exist...

and I would Never be Forgotten.

__________

Shout Back Guys!
But of course poems are beautiful on their original version as voices of the hearts move your hand to create something beautiful.

The Rut

I'm back to where I started again. I wonder if this cycle will ever end. No matter how much I change everything seems to stay the same. I suppose that can be a good thing, but I'm just tired of living the same day over and over again. No day has any significant value, no wonderful memory that I'm going to reflect on five years from now; I don't even have anything to write about anymore, I've already written about every aspect of this infinitely repetitive day and all 3 emotions that I feel during it. I need a change. I need to live again. Am I really as trapped as I feel? Change can't really be that hard. But I moved to a completely different state hoping for change, but the only thing that changed was my environment; it was the same shit, just a different place. This rut is not environmental; it's myself that needs to change.......

An elderly man was sitting alone on a dark path. He wasn't certain of which direction to go, and he'd forgotten both where he was traveling to and who he was. He'd sat down a moment to rest his weary legs, and suddenly looked up to see an elderly woman before him. She grinned toothlessly and with a cackle, spoke:

"Now for your *third* wish, what will it be?"

"Third wish?" The man was baffled

"How can it be a third wish if I haven't had a first and second wish?"

"You've had two wishes already," the hag said

"but your second wish was for me to return everything to the way it was before you had made your first wish. That's why you remember nothing; because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes." She cackled at the poor man, "so it is that you have one with left."

"All right," said the man "I don't believe this; but there's no harm in wishing. I wish to know who I am"

"Funny," said the old woman as she granted his wish and disapeared forever,

"That was your first wish."

- Planescape Torment

Deja Vu

It's becoming so hard to tell the difference between dreaming and being awake; another false awakening, another unconscious memory; existing in a state of perpetual deja vu. And it's so easy to believe your words, because in every whisper, I dream that what your saying is true. And I never understood why I always felt guilty when I was really happy; why I would sabotage great things in my life just to bring me back down. But now I'm realizing that it's just another defense mechanism; my subconscious warning me that if I feel this way there must be something wrong. And so now I'm fighting your words with the guilt that's welling up inside me, trying to shut out every word you say... trying to prolong this incipient madness.

The more I read what I write the more pathetic I become. Spilling out my insecurities for strangers to read, like a child screaming for attention. And I have run out of angles to view the same day, the same conversations; the same events that have played over and over for the last year. And I've become so claustrophobic in my tiny world of empty glances, absent minded production, and medicated sleep. I’m sick of hiding behind my computer, and yet I’m too much of a fucking pussy to stop hiding. The spells of dizziness and confusion are getting worse; and I think I'm beginning to hear the angel dying as I begin to see my real age showing on my face.

___________

Note:

Allow me to take this time to apologize to the people who have been victim of inconvenience because of my absence in blogdom especially with respect to the G* Spot Weblog Award. I was detained by work, family, personal matter and some offline shits! In relation to the September race, conferring with the group and c0gnizant of the "two" winners of the August Race - Shaney and Daniel. We are giving Shaney the August Spot and Daniel being the honorary winner of the said award will be getting the September G* Spot. (The Button will be emailed to you guys, sorry for the trouble) The G* Spot Weblog Award will resume on October. The List are getting long really.

Lastly, I really miss writing. So I hope this post will mark the end of my slumber.

To All those faithful readers - comrades and critics alike. Thank you so much.

Drowned

I opened my eyes in confusion. I saw the dim shadows of the night-light dance on the water just in front of my eyes. The pounding in my head echoed the pounding of the water against it. I tried to regain full consciousness, I tried to push myself up off of my stomach, but I didn't have the strength for either, and my face fell pressed once again against the hard white acrylic tub. I choked on the steam when I inhaled, I knew the hot water falling on me from the shower head above would've been quite painful, were I able to feel anything. But I felt nothing at all, and that's exactly where I always want to be.

The screaming in my head became louder as the water level continued to rise, covering my nose. I lifted my head for a moment before it fell again in the dizziness and nausea that overcame me. I fumbled for the plug and pulled it out, suddenly becoming aware of giggling coming from outside the shower, and I fought again to figure out what I was doing here, to figure out what was going on, but the last thing I could remember was being at the cast party. I felt a hand scooping water out and pouring it again over my head, and swearing at how hot the water was. The water level still wasn't receding, I could no longer breath. I tried to lift my head again but almost threw-up from the dizziness. The heat of the water, the alcohol, the sleeping pills began to overtake me again as I slipped out of consciousness once more.

I awoke cold, naked, shivering on the bathroom floor, the sun light just beginning to peak through the blinds, as I tried to piece together last night's events. I tried to sit up but was overcome with dizziness again. I managed to open the bathroom door and crawl my way to my bedroom. I climbed up into my bed where you were sleeping. I pulled myself up to my pillow, pulling the blanket off of you and around me. I continued to shiver as I waited for the warmth to catch up with me. I felt your arms wrap around me, with a whispered "I love you" before my consciousness once again slipped away from me...

Dementia

During night time, you sleep and leave the world of disarray and madness for the dim lit world of mundane abandoned fantasies. Your body makes unconscious movements while you walk the world of reveries and illusions.


As for me, while the entire world is sleeping, I wait for my love. And together we’ll roam the vast night sky.


It might be the lonely game I play - the quest for blood or the sensation of my body splitting into two or the dizzy feeling I get in the first few hours of the day.


Here I go again…

Here comes the pain that is slicing through my throat and the blood that is beginning to gush. My eyes started to embrace the color of the night. Tongues of fire with temperature unknown to human measures began to lash my skin. Pins started prickling through each part of my belly as if slicing it.


1....






2....






3....






And so the world slept and I conquered the world.


While the world was dreaming, I was on top of them all and I proclaimed, “Tonight my love, I offered you the world.”


The next morning, I woke up with my belly raging up with pangs of agony and pain. My throat feels rough and scarred and my tongue is all dried up. Every tinge of pain my body receives brings about bittersweet sensations that linger until the daylight fades again into the darkness that splits me into two.


Beside me lies a limb of an unknown creature with organs forcefully scathed out of its torn skin. The stench of this corpse irritated my nose extremely that I vomited a few paws and fingers. And so I rushed to the toilet with the feeling of regurgitation of the contents of my stomach and I give my best shot to dispose of it all. I cleansed my hands that were stained down to every bit of nail by crimson sticky solution.


My body is filled with a familiar scarlet substance, sticking its every entity with my skin. My stomach hurts like hell and I want to lie in bed for a few hundred hours. I was painfully exhausted.

For many centuries, I walked the world waiting for my love to come. All that came to me was things that guises as my love.


I conquered the world each night and offered to him the world.


And they said you had risen, while I was dreaming.


But then, I was, above all things, satisfied.

Blog Shaney: Certified G* Spot

After a month and after 351 votes cast, the G* Spot Weblog Award goes to....

Ive been reading this blog, one of the best really... Congratulations Shaney!

Another thing about the August Award is that Daniel, the Desert Guy has ONCE MORE place First Runner up. So after conferring with the other facilitator of the G* Spot Weblog Award, cognizant of the importance of the votes of the readers of Daniel and his wonderful blog, we are giving him the honorary button to be one of the G* Spot Weblog Winner.

We know you are all one of us to say that Daniel, the Desert Guy deserves this.

So to both Shaney and Daniel, Congratulations Guys! Well Done!

Finalist for the September G* Spot Weblog of the Month will be announced tomorrow. Maybe its your blog turn to be in the list.

SO if you think you got what it takes or you want your fave blog to be in the list, please dropped us a line at thegspotaward@yahoo.com We will be more than happy to take a peek at your blog!

Here is the complete tally:

Daniel, The Guy in the Desert 12% 42
The Pride Place 27% 95
A Frog's Point of View 8% 27
Mariposo 10% 34
Desires 6% 21
Cognitive Distance 8% 29
Marc Thommo 1% 2
I Deal With It 4% 13
The Asian eXhibit 11% 38
One Body Two Souls 8% 29
The Ministry of Pleasure 1% 5
The Drowned Glass 5% 16
351 votes total

Sixteen

for more details please check

www.mccph.wordpress.com