shackled

How could I let you fuck with my head
And destroy the confidence I once had
They say love is blind, is it also stupid
I lost myself when you stabbed me
With a stolen arrow of Cupid’s

All those years of giving in
When I should have been assertive
You never compromised on anything
And slowly decided you didn’t respect me

I made mistakes along the way I know
But sincerely apologized for each and every one
You never forgave, instead letting your bitterness grow
And reminded me often of the hurt I had done

Eventually my unhappiness and your bitterness collided full force
We finally had the fight when you broke my heart
You said, “I don’t love you anymore”, without remorse
Our lives were shattered, we had grown apart

I hung on, clung to that last remaining hope
That somehow, someway we could regain what was lost
The thread finally snapped, I could no longer cope
What once had been everything was no longer worth the cost

On you I cannot place all the blame
Our love a blend of two white hot flames
You choked mine out with too much air
I smothered yours with more material
Than you could bear

Your siege of my heart is at an end
I’ve vanquished your lies so that I can mend
Out of this hell I will climb
Eyes burn again seeing bright sunshine

Denial is everyone’s first reaction
But life’s constant change compels you to realize
Hiding only delays the satisfaction
Of accepting the loss and greeting the new sunrise

Now the years of misery are slowly peeling back
Revealing below only the shell of a man
My identity methodically erased by your attacks
Security within must be built again

In digging deep, there’s abundant inner strength
A steely, yet gentle raging fire beneath
That place you discover in life’s varied extremes
A tiny fortress inside
Sheltering your hopes and dreams…

That tiny fortress door has opened
The brilliant inner strength has broken
Through the lies and deceit that once held me captive
Confidence is returning, I will flourish and live
Perhaps someday my heart again to give…

resurgere

I am one of the coldest people,
you have ever known.
There is no right or reason,
but my heart is submerged,
black and cold.
It has never melted,
this obsidian ice will remain thick and strong,
Until you take that heart -
in your warm hands.

Bring me back to the daylight hours,
the light that shines all day,
intensify it, so that
even when it's dark out,
the brightness will still stay.

You were the one that looked past all my flaws.
You reached into my ribs and held on tight until you felt a beat.
You pulled my beating soul,
from the dark waters,
to the surface.

It was not easy, I'm sorry I made it so hard.
I put up that thick wall,
because despite my luck, I was, am, insecure.
I'm too self-concious, and in so many ways, self-centered.
So I lashed out,
it's a wonder you figured what I'm about.
You are brilliant, my darling,
I probably don't deserve you,
I am in terror, or ever hurting
YOU.
My friend, my wonderful friend,
my warm lover...

As I look out at the horizon,
I see the desert stretching out,
dusk is falling over the black silhouettes of hills,
the sky shines yellow orange and,
the coffin of ice melts,
the warmth through the earth hasn't been the thing to free me.
It was YOU.
You were the sun, the stars burning bright into this coffin,
and soon the ice is water,
and I
fall into your...
warm hands.

Bring me back to the daylight hours,
the light that shines all day.
You were the one that,
looked past all of my flaws.
Accepted them, understood them,
and understood that
I really was, am, trying hard to fix them,
not to hurt others anymore,
to become something,
something more.

You reached into the ice cold black waters,
swirling in my ribs, freezing your hands,
and held on tight until you felt the resurge,
the shaky beat, becoming stronger,
you pulled my soul,
the best part of me,
to the surface,
to show the others
what it was
they didn't see.

You were the one,
that saw through to.
The real one,
the real me.